Tuesday, December 14, 2010
As I assure that he is aware of the purpose of Christmas, I wish that some adults would realize the same thing. Some are out spending tons of money or charging it to a credit card. While many are even out there using the five finger discount and getting caught. All this in an effort to express love to those in their family and friend circle with objects of affection instead of the real deal...love. I'm not one of those out spending tons of money or using the five-finger discount. I can't afford it, so I don't do it. It is my dream to again be able to treat my closest friends and family members to expressions of love and kindness through materials. However at this time, I can't do that. I truly hope they know that if I could I would. In the meantime, we must all remember the reason for the season. It's not necessary to pile up expensive and countless gifts for others. It's a time of remembrance and celebration. A time where we should really be celebrating our faith.
As I remind all, I must truly remind myself. I've been given the title of the Grinch because I've allowed my son to not truly believe in Santa. Also, I'm truly not into all the things that come along with Christmas - the superficial things. I keep in mind the true meaning of Christmas. Along with the spiritual purpose - It's also a ritual time for families to gather and celebrate together. You can't choose your family...I can't choose which ones I truly would like to celebrate with. I must be thankful that I still have some present to consider family.
Go along and be mindful of why you are truly celebrating the season. Wishing your many love and blessings for this year and many to come.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Weren't all these people trained with the same training manual? If it were that easy for him to recognize the issue, why in the store did it take three people, including two managers to figure out that the issue was simple? Where is the true customer service? If it takes you to have a manual of each phone sitting at your desk, then do that! Do whatever you need to do in order to serve the customer.
This is my rant and my plea to those getting paid the big bucks to develop the training procedures for customer service representatives. Think about this...A teacher can get a reprimand for a student failing a standardized test, but a customer service representative gets no reprimand for not doing their job well. In some areas, a teacher's salary is based on how well she teaches a child to pass a test, but with customer service representatives, they get increase after increase for actually not serving a customer at all. These people are given incentives for making the company money, I know the deal. However what I wonder is truly how does that look as a balance in our society? I want these overpaid representatives to be held accountable for "not doing their job"! When I, the customer have been failed by you, the customer representative, there should be some notice made to that issue.
Hello how may I help you?
No, but thanks for your customer disservice!
Monday, November 29, 2010
Now the question for me was how do I proceed further with that comment from him. Should he be a believer? Why? Some argue with me that he is a child and needs to have an imagination and believe - believe in something.
There are some who disagree that it's not necessary to believe in such things. The sentiment is that there is no need to push my little one into believing in anything like Santa. Why? Children have imaginations regardless. Believing in Santa doesn't mean they won't be exciting and waiting to see what gifts appear on Christmas morning.
Children are often filled with hope in things like Santa, The Tooth Fairy, and The Easter Bunny. We as adults allow them to have false hope in fictional characters. Does that really create a believer out of children? Will they not believe in anything or anyone if we don't allow them to wait up for Santa or Bunny to appear in the night?
I've personally chosen to lean toward the thought that there is no reason that he should believe in Santa. He believes in me, his sole human provider and he believes in God. There will come a time when he will falter in his belief in both me and God. Now that's when there is a conversation necessary. Life is what it is. There is no need in filling his head with false perceptions of things. How would I look to him when he is revealed the truth - he must have faith in me. He must believe that I will have his best interest in heart and mind. The imagination - his brain will handle that. If he can imagine that his trains are his friends and he can imagine up different ways to design his train tracks, I know that he can imagine and believe in anything. So, Santa farewell - my 6-year old is a proud Non-Believer.
Friday, November 12, 2010
From the critics, there were two main positions, the men were bashed and it was too graphic/dramatic. The men in this movie seemed to demean women. They raped. They killed. They belittled women across the board. The women suffered strife to what some seemed unbelievable. The women were so sad. It didn't seem like they knew exactly how to handle life.
From the praisers, this movie was emotional. It was revealing. It was a break from the joking and drama of everyday simple life featured in Tyler's past movies. This movie was a look at life. This movie revealed to some that life is too short to let things fester. You can't let life get to you and keep you in bondage. It can be as dramatic as a rape or as simple as a man leaving you. There is a time to let it all go. You can't let issues stay with you and grow into these ugly monsters that control your life. This movie brought to light what those monsters can do to your life. You have to learn to live, laugh, and love. There were so many realizations to be realized from this movie. Family, friends, relationships, and attitudes. The list goes on.
As a woman, I personally didn't come away from this movie feeling any worse. It didn't make me feel like all men were dogs. It didn't make me feel like all men kill. I'm a survivor of many of those events that took place. It happens everyday. A young child is being molested. A woman is being raped. A woman is being beaten. A woman is aborting. A woman is crying. A woman is trusting the unworthy. It happens. It happens to women of all races and cultures. It's the truth. Face it. There is no bashing necessary. There is no extra drama necessary. All this young man of color, Tyler Perry did was bring to light what is happening. It is happening. It happened. It will happen again.
This is art. It's great that it has sparked such a flame. It's about time some flame has been lit. I can't speak for everyone who saw this movie. I'm not saying that you should have loved the movie, but be mindful of the full realm of this movie. First remember that Tyler didn't write the movie. He did put in a model man, who isn't in the original work. In an interview, Tyler stated that he did that just to ease over the harsh realities or bashing of the men. Second if you were offended by the movie in any fashion, just appreciate it for being a well-put together piece of art. My first lesson in a high school art course was that art is not so much to be liked, but to be appreciated. So as you develop your opinion of what should have or shouldn't have been depicted in this movie, be appreciative. These are a few questions to critique...Question why more movies don't depict the reality of real life. Question why more men or people of different races or cultures aren't writing and producing movies. Question what really are all too many men doing in our cultures today.
Don't bash me as a Tyler Perry lover or man basher, just appreciate me for my art - my writing.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Could it be true? Really? I've felt this way before, but is this real? Is this part of that fairy tale world we know that we can't live in? My son loves me differently, but shucks we know that's not a man. I love to watch him sleep and admire myself in him, but that's not the love Jill speaks of... I just want to know - is it real? Is it really true to feel that way?
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
It doesn't matter what way you define it, at the end of the day there are far too many of God's creatures who are just that - STUPID! I say this word many times with no intent to call the person stupid. Many times I call people stupid when I mean they are being silly. I shouldn't insult some of those entertaining silly people by calling them stupid . Goodness knows I run into so many more truly stupid people than silly.
Come on now you all...I know I'm normally nice in talking about others, but I've had it up to my eye balls with stupid people. Hello! Are you out there? I know you are. I know so many of you feel the same way. It doesn't matter where you run into them - work, grocery store, school, church (yes church!), and shucks even at home - you run into so many people who lack God's gift of COMMON SENSE!!! I'm not just talking about being smart, having brains and having a degree or particular education. NO! I'm talking about just plain 'ole common sense. Is it really that hard to understand? It must be.
I've run into professors who have years of education and work experience above me, but can't make sense of simple paperwork - STUPID! People I know have co-workers and superiors who come to them for guidance. What kind of crap is that? Seriously? You are so do damn STUPID!
With all of that education, the professor can't explain a simple process or read a chapter and explain to me what he just read. I've sat here for two hours and still haven't learned anything. Are you seriously the teacher? Please let me teach your stupid tale.
Ok, so what about those people you encounter at work? It can be a coworker or customer/patron. Employee: "Hello, you've reached the Office of XYZ." Customer: "Yes, is this the Office of XYZ?" SERIOUSLY? You just heard me say where you were calling and you are going to repeat what I just said to you. Stop it! You so STUPID!
You send a coworker an email that states "This particular item is UNK." The reply you get from a coworker is "I don't know what UNK is, can you you please explain that to me." No, this chick did not just send an email saying that! Did they get it right when they promoted her to be my supervisor? She and her supervisor are so STUPID! Oh wait, if you are stupid, that UNK means unknown.
I could go on and on with the STUPID things that STUPID people do that I've heard of, but it would take a couple of days to get it all typed up. I think most of you are smart enough and have enough common sense to understand exactly what my beef is.
Where are the smart people? No, where are the people with common sense? I know that I didn't pick the few of those people in the world who have common sense as my friends. Hey, if that be the case...friends...you are one in a million! I love ya for it. If I associate with you then count yourself as a rare human being. You are not STUPID!
I just can't stand STUPID people with their stupid responses and stupid questions! If I hear one more stupid comment, I think I might explode. ROFLMAO! Oh wait, there may be someone not too bright reading this. That means Rolling On the Floor Laughing My Ass Off! Stupid people can be irritating yet so damn entertaining. Feel free to throw in your stupid person remark. I know everyone has one. If you don't, please call me because I have plenty!
So, what is God's message to me here? Be more tolerant? Be patient? Be kind? Awh come on my Lord, don't do it to me. Please! I shall obey, but it's so hard to be so nice to so many who lack the gift of the brain. If you are not a Christian and run into so many who just don't have common sense, please bare with them. At the end of the day, you will always get the last laugh. Hey, write a book about it, maybe you will get rich. That's a great idea, maybe I should try it too. Until next time...
Uhmmm, maybe next time I will use 'ole Rhi Rhi as an inspiration to talk more about being stupid! LOL!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
"Nanna's not home," he said. "So, where are we going now?"
"We are going home," I said.
"That makes sense," he said. "What's sense mean, Mommy?"
"Sense is something that we should do and nonsense is something that we shouldn't do," I said.
It's amazing how his little questions make me think. So, what really is sense and nonsense? Did I answer that question right? It's just funny that things we say or experience everyday, we don't ask questions about. Well, maybe some of us. I know I question too much. I question, what sense does it make that someone with my education and little talent doesn't have a decent salary. I don't want to hear all that economy crap! I always look within. What is it exactly that I'm doing wrong? I can't make sense out of this nonsense life that I've been given. I often think it's all nonsense.
Of course, I have to look at life from different angles. Perhaps my sense of this nonsense life of mine is that God presented me with positions that have dished out insufficient funds because I'm supposed to learn. I'm learning that spending money on some things truly is nonsense. So, when I get sufficient funds, I will be able to make sense out of nonsense spending. Prehaps that's the sense of my nonsense life of having a degree, further studies, and ten years of work experience and still in the same position of a graduating college senior.
There must be a light at the end of the tunnel...my good friend said I'm blessed. I am. I know that. We all are in some form or fashion. But what nonsense I have to deal with when I have so much sense. It would seem that my sense would have led me to a higher level. Maybe my time table is wrong. What's your time table? Is it nonsense or sense? Is my issue nonsense or sense? Uhhmmm, you know it's sound like nonsense because at the end of the day it doesn't make sense to have issue with making a particular salary when at least you are making one period. So, if I go by the definition that I gave my son, it is total nonsense to question why or how my life has resulted as it has.
What's your nonsense? I know you have some nonsense because you are sitting over there with all your sense thinking that your rationalization of your life makes sense....when in actuality, it's all nonsense. We are not put here to question the result of our lives or situations...even the lives or situations of others. It's pure nonsense - something we shouldn't do.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Don't lose it people. Don't lose it. Whatever you have within you or around you - don't lose it. Don't lose those essential parts of your life because if you lose those parts, you lose yourself.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Funny that he mentioned that...As a recovered "victim" of the very topic, I now see an odd view on the topic.
The technology provided to us is just another vessel for the weak. Back in the day, it was the juke joint, the club as we would say today. Then the brothels, a hoer house. Vessels for the weak are plentiful and have been around for more years than many can count.
I guess you can't blame the weak in mind and heart. I know when I need to sit down from a workout that made me weak - I need to sit down right at that moment and get comfortable. A break feels good when you are weary. When you are weak, you need something to catch you as you fall.
So for the club goers, Internet abusers or browsers whatever you want to call yourselves - use your crutch. Go right ahead weak one. Only the strong survive and prosper. Weak people get frail and crumble like rotten wood.
Those who use and abuse technology - they are weak and cowardly. They fear being alone. They fear not getting a little something something - a need for a constant high. Those people have a urge to live in fantasy. If it fits your fancy, go right ahead. Don't expect that Internet or cell phone to always be there to protect you from the ills of life. While the net may be called the net, it's not the net to protect you when you fall.
For those who are the "victims" - don't stress it. Heck you aren't anyway because.... guess what? You won't know you are a victim until too late...that lame, weak fool just fell!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
He/she holds me
He/she protects me
We help each other...
Most people, mostly women thrive on this thing called independence. We make songs about it. We are applauded by others about it. We wear t-shirts flaunting the title. So much goes into being independent and sharing that independence with others. What if we all put as much into getting and maintaining that independence into securing a mate? Often times there isn't much work into securing a mate because we just feel like we don't need a mate to survive. While that may be true because we only need water and bread to truly survive...there is nothing like the loving, holding, laughing, crying, and helping that comes with a mate. So I'm going to try to work on my relationship status...if it's independent or with a mate...I will leave you to guess...I'm going to make sure that I keep it "tight" and work on it.
Have you worked on your status lately? Let's keep it together people...keep it together.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Something. It was always something.
After a while, I had to let some of it go.
Things like this resurface in relationships with men now. I don't trust them...don't trust them one bit. I'd like to think that there are those that are 100% out there, but I'm so saddened to find just the opposite. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I give off the vibes...who knows.
What's an even more scary thought is that I may choose the wrong people based on what I've experienced in my childhood. Hence the reason I believe that your childhood truly follows you for a lifetime.
How can something so wrong be reversed?
Now I have a child who is stepping into a similar web. I wish so bad that I could go back and undo what I've done.
So...I'm about to create a cycle with my child. Well, maybe it will be fine since he can find a sense of trust in me being the opposite sex. Wow! That's profound in a way because what if he becomes too trusting? Naw, I believe the environment I provide for him, he will know for a lifetime what true love really is. How to know, just by instinct, that a woman can be trusted or a woman is worthy.
So today I say, be careful how you live your life and raise your children. You are certainly forming them for a lifetime. We can't change our childhood, but I've been told we can certainly change our futures. Uhm...
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Why are people touching these babies?
Leave them alone.
How would it feel if I shoved a broom up your butt?
Put a cigarette in your hole...
How would that feel?
Yeah, I bet
I bet you don't have any feelings at all.
You can't have feeling to hurt a child - sleeping with a child... Keep your dirty hands to your dirty self!
From tears to anger, I fill to the brim with emotions for these children. This world has so much in store for these children - life is good and hard enough! Keep them innocent!
Keep your hands to yourself!
I know someone told you that along the way. If they didn't - I'm telling you now. If you know better tell someone else - keep your hands to yourself.
If I had my way, I would change the laws for touching a child to the equivalent of murder. Why? You just murdered a soul. Yeah, there is chance for a rebirth of that soul, but sometimes emotions and scars never die.
Keep your hands to yourself! You just make me sick!
Makes me wanna cry sometimes.
Hell, I want that.
I know it's not a fairytale world. I know it's not about that wedding that can sometimes turn into a spectacle. I want the love - the commitment - the dedication and the celebration of that finding with that spectacular wedding. I know, I've been there, it's not all about the love. It's about similar dedications in life. It's a wide variety of what makes one want or need to make that commitment and walk down the aisle in one of those luxurious weddings. I still want it. I can't believe I'm admitting to that. Hell, I'm a statistic...adding to the number of divorces in America. One of those marriages that ended before a 5 yr anniversary could be reached. I still want it again bad...like a kid wants a cell phone to text. The older I get, the less likely I think that I will find someone who fits the mold. I have a good list now - trying not to make the same mistake twice. My list includes a man with....
Attainable goals, not just a notion, but concrete goals
Articulation, I'm no fan of slang - can't stand too much of it.
Using the N word constantly makes me sick. Maybe I'm just getting old.
Faith, because without it, how do we survive?
Travel savy, because I love it. My family & friends live near and far. It's fun to visit and reconnect every once in a while. The world has so much to offer, why sit in one spot all the time?
And my list goes on...
I'm not going to find the perfect one. I'm not going to find a clone of myself. I actually wouldn't make it with someone exactly like me. I'm not searching for perfection.
I want it bad. So, where is he? Will I really find him? I don't think I'm unrealistic in my list. I just want it bad. I want to finish my sentence with that one. Maybe he is in my life already...uhm...
In my quest for being more positive, I need to find the positive outlook on this situation. Is there one? I just can't believe I'm admitting to wanting something like this so bad. I've never really wanted it this bad. Sometimes those things you want so bad aren't so good for you. I want chocolate most of the time and it's just not too good for me. It makes me happy, but leads to nothing too great after having it too much. Hell, I don't care. I still want it and I want it bad. I just wish it was like wanting that career where you can just go to school and obtain that title within four years. Why can't it be so easy to attain? Maybe this first step in admitting to myself that I actually want something like this will result in something...Until then I will remain at peace with the life I have at this moment.
It's a great reminder to live in the moment. Live, love, laugh! If I get what I want so bad from the person I want so bad then I will be elated. If I don't get what I want, then I will find the happiness within what is given to me.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
When things happen in life, it is often said that true friends will always be around. I've found some flaw in that thought. Some people are friends by convenience. If you aren't quite convenient for them, then their friendship begins to fade. You think back on what you did wrong to have that friendship fall off into the abyss of nothingness. I mean the two, or three, or four...whatever were there for each other for the birth of a child, when one decided that motherhood wasn't quite for them, or when one just needed a helping hand. All this time you have been devoted friends. Then one day you were lost and just in need for a phone conversation. It hurt when she didn't answer that phone call...hurt worse than a break up from that most wonderful husband...didn't it? What happened to the devotion?
If you are a Christian...or of any faith for that matter. Stop praying. Stop meditating. Stop doing right by others. Stop going to church, temple, or religious service. Stop being devoted to it and watch what happens...you die inside.
That man. That woman. They are supposed to be my parents. I never heard them say I love you. Now I'm an adult and you want me to tell you that I love you? Really? They never gave me that talk about the birds and the bees. Now, I'm pregnant...I'm only 17. Some devoted parents they were. My daddy never scared off the boys. He never told me what to look for in a good man. Now he wants to judge the ones I choose...or help me find a way to get over the screwed up ones that I've chosen. If there was devotion there from day one, I wonder what would have happened?
I've pondered about this thought for about a week now. Two friends shared this topic with me via a song title. After getting this topic, I took it to others to tell me what exactly they thought of when hearing those words. From them, I received responses that summed up something, empty promises coming too late which caused pain or being sold short...something coming a little too late and not right on time. From that I gathered that devotion is one of the most important things in a relationship or anything we all encounter. When there is delayed devotion, there is lack of attention to detail. There is a total void when there is no devotion. Don't deprive your loved ones of it. Don't deprive your mind, body, and soul of devotion - dedicate yourself to those things! Sometimes it is good to wait for things...good things come to those who wait, but devotion...Devotion people is not one to be waited on...Delayed devotion kills.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
To all my ladies who seem to have a tag on them that says All Men Apply, keep accepting applications. Eventually, there has to be the right applicant for the job. Your worth jumps out like the perfect job ad. Who wouldn't want to apply for the job?
Be Hood Pretty, Sophisticated Honey, Bubbling Beauty, whatever it is, but don't stress it...This too shall pass!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
What's your label?
Recently, a classmate posted on a site that it bothered her that some people are so materialistic. They spend lots of money on their designer items and then spread the word. She said, no one really asked the person that she was speaking with about their clothing items. Yet they continued on about their labels. How much their labels cost them etc. Why was it so important to share those labels, those designer names? Would it have made my classmate feel some way different, good or bad? What exactly is the point of a label?
I entered a new world ten years ago. I chopped off my hair and went natural - haven't straightened my hair since. So, I've entered the natural woman world. It's a place where some must begin a sentence with, "Hi, my name is Tiffany, and I'm natural." Well, duh...I can see that for myself. It's your hair, not your name. So often I continue to hear that label, I'm natural. I do this with my hair, I do that...it's all mine, etc. What's the purpose?
What happened to just living? If you live your life in a certain way, there is no need for a label. If I see a well-dressed young lady walking down the street... Uhm, maybe I would give her a title, fashionista...because she is all decked in designer labels. So what if I do? She certainly doesn't need to tell me her label because I can see it with my own eyes. What's funny is, just because of what I see, doesn't mean it's right. Just because you have your own label, doesn't make it fitting to you.
What is your label? Why do you need that label? What is so wrong with just living? Be yourself is saying it lightly. Just be. Throw away those labels. Know that whatever your God made you to be, you will be without the label. Know that the label can be ripped, torn up, and thrown away. Labels can be sticky and carry an unpleasant scratchy feeling. Labels can be irritating. How many labels have you really kept around?
If I ever run into you, friend, I hope to not label you because I would certainly not like it when I have to rip you out and throw you away. Just come label free!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
"There is a bridge there so we don't fall in the water," he says...
What is your bridge?
As usual, I pull my inspiration from simple things, words, sentences, and my son. Today's profound statement came from my little one. As he shared those words about the bridge with me, I immediately thought, yes that is exactly why we have a bridge. If there were no bridges, we would always fall. We would always get wet. We would never get over. We would never cross to the other side. We would only fall in the water and get wet or hurt.
What is your bridge?
I know that my bridge is often my words. I can express myself and get it all out and feel relieved. Writing gets me through the day. It gets me over without getting wet, without get hurt. It gets me over to the other side. Sometimes it is just want I need. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes, I would rather not cross the bridge. Why? I don't know. I know that in order to get where I'm going, I must cross a bridge. If it's not the bridge I want to cross, I still have to cross one.
What is your bridge?
What do you hold in your life that gets you over? What do you cross that protects you from getting wet or hurt along the way? You must hold something. You must hold something to get you over without getting wet, without getting hurt. If you don't, no wonder you are struggling with that thing - you haven't crossed the bridge and got over to the other side.
What is your bridge?
Take care of it.
Cross it as often as you need to protect you from falling, getting wet, and getting hurt.
There is a bridge there so that we don't fall in the water.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
I took it to the altar and left it there
I took it to the altar and left it there
I took it to the altar and left it there
My, My, My
It does feel good
Take it to the altar and leave it there
We all carry so much baggage, it can be light or heavy, but we carry it. In conversations with others, I've learned that all too often many of us carry things that we don't even know we carry. Greed. Lust. All sorts of things. We call ourselves Christians but we all fall short of our teachings. In times of reflection, we must all remember to go back and leave it at the altar. It's like winning some money or meeting a nice person. It feels good. It's hard though, to let it go. We are so used to carrying that load, we feel empty without it. It's fine, empty up because tomorrow will be a busy day - time to fill up the bag. Isn't that funny?
Leave it at the altar, but don't leave the altar.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Look at you, you have on all pink - you look like a pig.
Don't do that
Don't get braces
You are going to be the fat girl with braces, a jeri curl and glasses
I hated that shit!
Sonja is a HOE (painted on the white picket fence next door)
If I close my eyes, I can feel my face get warm after a slap across the face...
What was that?
My body just flew from the bed to against the wall - sliding down to the floor...
RUN SONJA! RUN and DON'T STOP!
Never quite felt SUPERCALAFRAGELISTICEXPIALADOCIOUS.
Children, Life, Loved Ones....
They can be so MEAN....
Be careful what you say, when you say, and how you say it. Some things can stick harder than glue and no matter the 'ole saying Sticks and Stones may Break my Bones, but WORDS will NEVER hurt me...They do stick! They stick like SUPER GLUE. They hurt like a burn from a hot oven. Not to worry, there is always some acetone, soap & water to wash that hard ass shit off my hands. There is always the cooling of cold water to ease the burn.
I used to...
workout at least 4 times a week
not eat fast food
only eat sweets on the weekend
go to the dermatologist
go to poetry readings
have friend get-togethers
hang out with my girls
I used to...
Heck...it took me a long time to get to those things I used to do...
I'm so full of these things. What happened to me? I let one person ruin my life. I often say that the worst decision I made was to get married. Well, as I think about it, the worst thing that I've done in my life is to let one person's issues cause me to feel less of myself. Of course I love myself. I value myself. It's just that my days get hectic. My money is always low. So, I take it out on parts of my life that should not suffer. I know that I haven't been totally sleep for the past four years, but I have let so much of my life go to bed. Is it possible that all those used to things are really gone? If not, when will I be able to pick up those used to things again? I know it all lies within, but that, that's so much easier said than done.
My mind is racing. Constantly. No - I don't need medication. I could use a father. While one person will not repair all my ills, it would certainly help me get back to some of those used to things. Now as I've said before, I have to change what I can even with the circumstances that I have - but I can't even find the peace of mind to figure out just how to do that. That's why I truly don't look forward to my weekends. I enjoy not waking up early in the morning, but weekends leave me totally alone to be mother. Motherhood is fine. However, I'm more than a mother.
I'm a friend, yet I don't have any friends around me. I'm a lover, yet I don't have a lover. I'm just...I'm just Sonja, yet I don't really get to enjoy me. Maybe I'm being a little too pessimistic. My optimism sees that I'm able to feed and clothe my child. My optimism sees that he is a good kid - smart and healthy. My optimism sees that I'm blessed with a great work environment, one of the best I've ever had. My optimism sees that I could still be living with someone else instead of on my own. I'm blessed - blessed beyond measure. I'm not asking for a million bucks. I'm just asking for....what am I really seeking? Ok, that's it, I'm seeking to return to those used to things.
My lesson today is to take a stand and try my best to return to those used to things. Break my back, do what I need to do because my life so very much depends on it...
I'm going to stop and get to saying - I used to say...
I used to workout at least 4 times a week
I used to not eat fast food
I used to only eat sweets on the weekend
I used to go to the dermatologist
I used to meditate
I used to read
I used to write
I used to go to poetry readings
I used to have friend get-togethers
I used to hang out with my girls
I used to say I used to do a lot of things, but now I don't.
Today I stop saying I used to and start saying I do!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Fixing the road, sweetie.
Why are they fixing the road?
To make it better...
Oh to make it smooth, that's what they are doing?
Why are they doing that?
Mommy when you were a little girl, did you play Mario?
Did you get to Luigi?
Mommy when you were a little girl, did you watch Spongebob?
No, that show wasn't around when I was a little girl.
Ok, Mommy, we are going to get one thing out of the store.
Ok? One thing.
Mommy, I'm going to hold your hand...
Oh the questions he has. I know it's only the beginning. His questions are simple. Short and sweet. It doesn't require much for me to answer them. Oh, but I wonder when the questions get much more complex, what will I say? Will I still be able to answer the question. What happens when I don't have the answer? What will he say? Will he ask me why? Will he formulate his own answer? Will he ask someone else the answer? What will happen?
When will it stop?
While in the car with my son, I learn a lot. He has questions for everything. I try my best to always have an answer. So, on our all too often trip to Wally World, he had many questions for me. It was on that trip to the store when I thought...How simple his questions for that day appeared to be. They were simple to me, but not so simple to him. They never stopped. It was always a follow up question. It also came to me that even as adult, my questions too never stop. Constantly asking myself...What if I do this? What if I say that? When will it change? When will he change? Where will I be in 10 years? Why can't it be like this? Why did I do this? Why did I do that? Who is going to come into my life? Where should I live? What shall I do? The questions are endless. They never stop - I think they often get more complex.
So, it starts at toddler stage, asking the daily questions of life and it only ends with the closing of ones eyes - Or will it? I'm sure even then when all of our eyes shut for the very last time, we will still have a question...Where do I go from here and will you hold my hand?
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Those who have a chance to get to know me
Friends, Family, Colleagues
See my greatness
It's a little inspiring.
All they see is greatness.
Even this little fellow sees my greatness...
Says "you are going to be great when you get where you want to be; you got it going on."
Nothing but greatness...
Or is that he wants greatness so tugging on my coat tails is going to make him great
I don't think so...
I have too much greatness coming my way
I have nothing but questions for this one. Why do we so often see greatness in others, but don't always see such greatness in ourselves? I see more for others I encounter and vice versa. Is it that we need others to help produce all the greatness that's in us? Should we just be full of greatness alone? Well, I'd like to think that it's just that we really do need one another. It takes two to make a thing go right...as said in a popular song...it takes two to do many things - including help achieve nothing but greatness!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Just recently a few Russian spies were caught.
Are we really safe in our own country?
Who do you blame?
A new woman is being confirmed as a Supreme Court Justice.
She doesn't have all the experience that some would like her to have.
One politician said she was only chosen for political reasons. (wow, that's something new)
Who do you blame?
A man found with explosives in Time Square.
Who do you blame?
There is an oil spill in my parish (county) causing people to lose jobs, money, and homes.
Man, too bad they only have their lives to live.
Who do you blame?
There is a battle over the boarders that are allowing large numbers of Mexican's cross over. Last time I checked, there is more than one way to do anything.
Who do you blame?
There is a war going on that is said to be the longest war we have ever had that is killing hundreds of Americans monthly.
Oh and this is what is supposed to be keeping us safe from those intruding in our country as spies and/or to harm us.
Who do you blame?
Is there always someone to blame? Presently, there is one man to blame for all of this. It's so amazing to me. How can one human be to blame for all these events? I'm no rocket scientist and no political expert - just a human being. But I see no way that it is possible for one man. A person who didn't come from a family with connections. Basically, a "peon" in the eyes of those in the political world. And you know what? If he were to blame, what's new in the world of politics.
Everyday someone is looking for someone to blame on what is happening in their lives. Truth be told, sometimes there is no one to blame. It makes the hair stand up on my arm as people place the blame on others. Especially when the people talking have no clue what the heck they are talking about. What's more entertaining to me is that the blame is almost always placed on the wrong person.
People blame their friend or relative for their shortcomings. Sometimes it's that person to blame and sometimes it's just the circumstances in life that are to blame. Why do we always need someone to blame? Even if there is a person to blame, they won't always be able to fix the outcome of what they may have caused. In my most gracious opinion, the wrong person always gets blamed for doing something bad.
As always, I try to take something from everything. My lesson learned: when someone starts to blame someone whom I know isn't to be blamed...just walk away. Why walk away? Because most of the time the person placing that blame is some idiotic human being that will cause me to do nothing but become mad! So, when I walk away from you...blame yourself.
Monday, June 28, 2010
In this space I'm in, it doesn't look so pretty. It's a little too noisey yet freightenly too quiet.
If this chick up stairs don't sit her tail down I'm going to scream! AHHHH!!! It's too funny that I'm talking about two things at once. Ha!
I truly want to live in a space where I hear only the sounds in my space. I don't care where you are walking in your space. It's late. I'm not up walking around in my space, so why don't you just sit your ass down! Ugh...
What is that I hear? Your 'ole man is pissing in the toilet! Are you serious? Man, I don't care what goes on in your space, so why must I hear it all in my space.
In my deepest thoughts, I try not to question what God puts in my life or where my decisions in my life take me. However, living in this space has tested my patience and sanity in ways one can never imagine.
My space is precious to me. I find peace and serenity in my space. It's the only place that knows me. It's the only space that leaves me alone with my happy thoughts. I normally love my space - filled with the scent of Egyptian Musk Incense or sweet Vanilla candles. Uhm, ahhh I can smell them now. Ugh, gag wait, I just got sniff of some second-hand smoke from somebody else's space. Lord, my God, you have truly shown me the light! This is not the space. This is not the space for me.
My lesson: Is your space really the space you are sitting in? What is space actually? Is it what you make it? Can I make a bad space in life, physical or mental, a good space? I don't think I truly know the answer. Until then, I must learn to accept the space I'm in while I'm in it. Live with it. Deal with it. Change it.
While there are no guarantees with what people tell you etc., they do help.
The career coach requested that we read Strenths Finder, by Tom Roth
I read the book, took the quiz and remain amazed. There are so many strengths within ourselves that we don't see. His reasoning for telling us to read this book was just for that reason. How can we market ourselves to others if we don't know what our selling point is? After reading this, I feel more confident about how to sell myself to a employer or even a date. LOL! Now that was funny. I had to laugh to myself.
I challenge all who read this to seek out those strengths about yourself. I think we all second guess ourselves. Sometimes we sell ourselves short and don't realize all that we do in a day. We think that sitting behind a desk and talking to the public is just that. When in actuality, it is much more. We are negotiating on that phone and constantly making great decisions.
God mad nothing but greatness. You are great! I am great!
Lesson: There is greatness in all of us! Seek and ye shall find!
The Audacity of ME to...
not want life
hate my body
be a mother
be a single mother
get a divorce
get an education
The audacity of me! Damn!
My lesson with this word is to realize that I can't think of all my what ifs all the time. It's so much more serious than that, if you have the audacity to read between the lines.
This is only the second day I've worked on this blog and it's already presenting a challenge. The site is telling me that I need to disable some cookies. I've followed the instructions to do so, but my computer won't do such a thing. Who in the heck came up with these cookies? The last I checked cookies came in chocolate chip, peanut butter, and sugar. They made me happy, not pissed off.
I've tried to turn every life experience into a lesson. Lesson here is to not let one little irritating event stop the progress of what you are trying to do.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
I'm just frustrated for so many reasons. Lately, my concern has been that I can't give my child something he desires and truly needs. A father. At this point, he truly does only have a sperm donor. He needs a role model. Someone to show him the simple things in life. It's totally different coming from a woman. I can't show him how to play sports like a boy does. There are just some things that I truly can't show him. Now, I try my best. There is just nothing like the real thing baby.
Whew, so much so fast. What a way to start off this lovely blog writing. The journey has just begun. Thanks to my friend, Charlene who inspired me to try this...the book will follow in years to come! She felt like his would be a great start to my life-long dream.