Sacrifice

This weekend, my son wanted to go to an audition of some sort for commercials. Sounds good except my son is knowingly shy. He is that kid who will rehearse for a play, get up on stage and freeze. He has done it before which is why I toggled with this new idea of his. I thought to myself, perhaps he was coming out of his shy shell. So, as a loving parent, I talked with him about this idea and he still chose to go full force ahead. It only cost me a new outfit for him.

There he was, dressed as one of the cutest kids. He looked as if he belonged in a Polo ad. I don't say that because he is my son, but seriously he was dressed very well and fit the part. He is rehearsing his line with me while being his usual silly self. We get up to the table, with the one man sitting there at the table. My son is asked to repeat his part and he stands there like a cat and a dog pulled out his tongue! I refrain myself from scolding him and attempt to assist in getting him to come out of his shell. He tried three times, but wasn't too successful at completing the task.

My life as a parent - a single parent - often times my family events look much like an episode of the 80's sitcom, The Cosby Show. We may be without the remarkable careers, but certainly the family events turn out just as on that show. I recall episodes that the father on the show would review with the children all of the things they asked to try out and quit. He would point out the money or time spent on something their children begged to try, but didn't complete. My son is nine and I can already identify with those episodes. We've done most things - T-ball, football, basketball, tennis, and now acting has landed on the list. I can't say that I've been jovial about all of these tries my son has asked to partake in, but as a parent I realize that is is all part of the sacrifice. This is all a part of the role. I sacrifice my time and money. I give it up all for him. I've given up practically my life as a whole for him.

This latest event put me in a place to sit back and look at the lesson. Becoming an actor or model may be something he truly wants, but perhaps now isn't the time perhaps it never will be his time. This may not be his "thing" in life. Instead of being upset with him about not speaking up when spoken to, I had to make him realize that at least he tried. Also to know that this thing he seems to be interested in will require more work on is part or a realization that maybe acting just isn't something for him. He must keep going in life until he finds that thing he loves and is great at doing. Sounds familiar even as an adult.

As a parent or even as a spouse, there is sacrifice and selflessness that must be a part of the relationship. To some this type of thing may come easy. While for others, this is a work in progress to accomplish. To give of oneself takes hard work and courage. Some people won't admit it, but it is a fact that I identify with. Every year on Mother's Day - I go back and forth between happiness and out right depression. Every year I recognize that this is not the life that I ever imagined - being a single mother. Every year I recognize that I've sacrificed myself for my son. The sacrificing part makes me happy to know that I'm giving of myself for him. I know that no one in his life besides me will do such and I'm lucky to have him. To be a blessing to him is certainly a bigger blessing than any other.