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Saturday, December 22, 2012

No words

The doctor said, we have to do the surgery and we have to do it now.
My life depended on this surgery. 
I would be given another chance at life.
Most recently, so many people weren't as lucky as myself.
Life flashed through my mind.
I am sure they weren't even given time for that to happen.
My pain was unbearable and still lingers.
Their pain lead to peace.
I am on bedrest.
Those innocent victims are on eternal rest.
In moments of life when those rare events take place, we struggle with how to cope. We struggle with how to make sense of it all.
As my life has unfolded, I have gained a little understanding. Yet I am certain that I will never truly understand it fully. What I do know for sure is that I must move on. I must not dwell in how I could have changed things. I must remain resilient and move on because I am so blessed to have been given a chance to do so.

Sunday, December 9, 2012


Lack of success.
Falling short.

I am guilty of using the word all to often. As I am human, I'm certain that I'm not the only one. In reflection over how we have failed at something, we often look at the decisions we have made.
I went to the right college. I did the right internship. I joined the right organization. I associated with the right people. I married the right man/woman. I lived in the right neighborhood.   
While having made some great decisions, there have been some decisions that have lead to failure. Failure at career. Failure at parenting. Failure at marriage. Failure 

In the moment of feeling like a failure or feeling like you have failed at something, it is hard to see the light. A dark depression looms over all. I know personally there are times that all I hear in my head is the word failure.  

Words have power.

I know words have power so then I must turn and boost myself up with a reflection on my life's successes. The things I've done. The people I've met. The opportunities I've had. 


As hard as it is not to see the turmoil that falling short of your life plans, you must. Focus on the failure can not be the priority.  Focus on the future success is key. If focus remains on the failure, then that is the end of the story. 

I believe even within failure there is success. Sometimes I feel like I've failed my son at something - yet there is success in the fact that I was blessed to have a child. Presently, I feel like I've failed in my career yet I have succeed at so much in the past that I know I'm not a total failure. I know that there is greater success to come.

What makes me so certain that there is greater success to come?

Without failure there is no success. 
Without success there is no failure. 
The two depend on each other. 

Sunday, November 18, 2012


Do all prospects count?  

This is a rather funny topic that I conversed with friends about this week.  Often times, I have men who approach me whom I feel are less than adequate.  Some women think it is flattering. Some men think it's a opportunity to get to know me.  Some women say that these less than adequate men don't count as a prospect.

Where do you fall?

I personally believe that a man without the potential that I can recognize immediately, don't count as a prospect.  These people are merely entertainment for me.  Call me evil for being so judgmental, I don't care.  A guy friend told me that the pure fact that I listen to the men, they believe that they have "scored" and that they are in there to get to know me.  I disagree.

Let me first begin with the following phrases:
 "Say red, what's up?" 
 "Say what's up?" 
"Say you married?" 

These three, I get a lot.  Primarily because I work in an environment where I come in contact with a diverse group of people.  In addition, I live in a more rural area.  So with those things into consideration, these are somewhat normal phrases.  Now having said that, I wish someone would take my side and say that the men who approach me with those phrases do not count as prospects.

Men who approach me with less than desired phrases don't get the opportunity to let me find out if they are business men, family men or something combined.  These men do not count for me. I do not find it flattering that these men even recognize my presence in the room.  I appreciate the fact that they feel like I must be some type of quality woman just by my pure presence, however I find no attraction into their approach.  I have to question my appreciation as well because many men aren't seeking quality, some are seeking a quick night in the bed. 

Well, whatever the reason is that these men find the courage to approach me, I do not find it flattering.  Some arrogant man may say that I am a female dog and that I should be lucky that someone would approach me.  However, I would hope that most would view me as knowing how I as a woman of quality should be approached.  I do believe that most chivalry is dead.

I've debated the issue with men and women from different walks in life - why is that some men don't know when to stay in their "lane" or "league"? Just because I am a woman doesn't make me for you and the same in reverse.  I am not going to go up to Common (the musical artist) and ask for a date.  Why?  We are in different lanes in life.  He is a famous performer and I am an everyday working woman.  While it is possible for our intellects to combine, I do believe the two of us are in different leagues purely based on our everyday lifestyles. So why is it that I often hear myself and other women discuss the same issue about the types of men who approach them?

I carry myself in a particular manner and I hope only to be reciprocated with the same. Again back to the issue, I do not believe that those who approach me who are less than desirable count as a true prospect.  It isn't flattering and doesn't make me feel any more excited about the dating pool of men. 

Prospects only count if they are on my level in some way of life - career, education, family, lifestyles, beliefs, or spirituality.  If none of those or most of those have no form of connection between me and a man who presents himself to me, then he is not a prospect.

So, who has been checking you out lately?  Are all of them prospects? Does it matter? Why don't some men get the picture?

Tuesday, November 6, 2012


We regret to inform you...

Those five words have been repeated to me almost daily for a while now. Rejection. Rejection from opportunities, jobs, schools, organizations, people and any other entity that fits in between that I didn't list.

What did I do wrong?

Why did I do it?
How can I change it?
Can I change it?
Is it my fault?
Is it any one's fault?
Why me?
Where do I go from here?

Regardless of where rejection comes from, I'm certain at some point in life we all experience it. While I often feel like I'm the poster child for it, I know that I am not alone. As with all things in life, the question is how to deal with it. 

Those closest to me have given me all the advice and comfort that they have been able to muster. To them, I must say, I appreciate it. However at the end of the day, I must figure out how to handle it. Through my dealings, I am certain there is someone out there that may find comfort in my words.

My spiritual guide leads to this: Romans 8:28 - And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose.

My practical advice through quotes and conversation is that without rejection, there is no depth into a person. Without something that comes along to make you question, then there is no growth. Without being knocked down a bit, then there is no way to know how to pick yourself up. Without rejection, without some form of sadness, then there is no appreciation for the acceptance and happiness.

With all that, I still get pissed - angry. I still want a break - some good news. I still haven't reached the understanding about why I have been receiving so much rejection. I tell myself that I don't know how much more rejection I can take - yet I wake up every morning.

With that in mind, as I've read quotes and readings from philosophers, counselors, authors, and common people there has been one overall tune. One will never truly understand the rejection or strife encountered until the good thing comes through. It will not be until then that a person will understand the why in life.

Lesson to be learned that if you have been rejected from school, job, date, organization, loan, there is without a doubt a reason why. I believe that to be true in all aspects of life - many have been rejected from being a parent or a spouse. That too I'm certain brings about great emotions as well. Rest assure, the clarification is coming and will likely come in a format not expected. Whenever and however, know that all the good in the world to come will come.

Reject rejection! 
Refuse to accept that rejection will determine who and what you are to be.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Uniquely Yours...Life

The single woman is envious of the married woman.
She wants to be married and have companionship.
The married woman is envious of the single woman.
She wants to be single and free.
Thick women want to be thin with slim legs.
Thin women want to be thick with a round bootie.
Wealthy women want a simple life with a little less responsibility.
Poor women want to be rich just to be a little less stressed about livelihood.
Women who don't have children, want them.
They want to to love and nurture a young child.
Women with children, don't feel like children are a necessity. Joy yes, but not necessary.
They want to be a little free and less stressed.
Women with a house, want something more cozy like an apartment.
Not to mention, someone fixes everything at the drop of a dime.
Women with an apartment, want a nice house with a yard.
It would be nice to have some privacy and maybe a dog to run around in the yard.

All too often, we live our lives looking into the lives of others. We want what they have. We want their job. We want their house. We want their car. We want their man. We want their life. It is nice to strive for something and have goals in life. Goals to reach and achieve or get certain things in life, however we all must keep in mind that in time all that is supposed to be part of our lives will be. Not to mention, often times we as humans think we want something that someone else has when we don't truly know what it takes to have those things. We don't know that in that marriage, there can be abuse. In that house, the home could be close to foreclosure. In that life, it could be full of turmoil followed with a smile.  It could also be full of peaches and cream. One will never know.

What we as humans, woman or man, must take into account is that there is a reason why you are where you are. There is no reason to look at people and want what they have.  Be thankful for who you are and where you are in life. You are there for a reason. 

Personally, I feel like I am not where I want or need to be in life in both my professional and personal life. However when I scan back through my life, I've encountered and recovered from quite a bit. Each day, I share with others, I learn that all that I have encountered in life has made me an outstanding person. A person who can be outstanding in whatever comes in my path - professionally and personally. I know that what I have dealt with in my past and what I am dealing with presently, is preparing me for something. I am equipped with some knowledge that I've gained mostly through life experience and I can finally say that I am thankful for such experiences.  Therefore if I never get to some things in life that I want to do, it is okay because I've still been given some serious greatness. 

In life it is cliche to say never judge yourself against others, but the message can never be said enough. Live your life. It is uniquely yours. Embrace your life because one day your life experiences may be able to help someone else along the way.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Words to live by

I haven't had many words lately. 
I just couldn't leave anyone reading my blog hanging for another week.  
Here is a quick message.

You only live once.  
If you want to cut your hair, cut it. It will grow back.  
If you want to eat a piece of cake, or the whole cake, eat it.  
The weight gained can be lost.  
If your kid wants you to watch a corny movie, watch it.  
One day that kid won't want to sit with you at all. 
If your spouse wants to go camping and you hate the woods, go camping. 
You could wake up and that person is gone without notice. 
Enjoy every moment. 
Your friend calls you up to just sit in the house, go and sit. 
One day you won't be able to see them when you want.  
It's the little things in life that matter.

Often times we forget to just enjoy the simple things in life. 
There is too much time wasted on planning and preparing. 
Too much time wasted on the what if in life. 
Just live. 
It doesn't have to be a big event or production.  
Sometimes it is just as simple as doing something a little different. 
Live life. 
Make memories.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Eye Candy

Eye Candy
Tall Glass of Water
Caramel skin. 
Long, neatly braided locks.
Shirt fitting just right. Not too tight, but close enough to accent the right places.
Clean cut.
Nice smile. Straight teeth.
Glasses fitting the face just right.
Swaying across the room.
A wave from across the room. Hello!
Oh lawd, that man looks some good.
Uhm, that's some eye candy.
Amen! Hallelujah!
Uhm, Uhm, Uhm
Look at him. Just look at him.
Now why didn't I stick with that in high school?
Oh lawd, help me he is just so darn cute.
Wait, let me stop. 
It is Sunday and I am in a church.

I've been looking for "how-to" books and articles about how to relieve stress.  Well people, I think I found something. I love to walk and take a little jog, that makes a sista feel good.  However, I found a piece of eye candy, a tall glass of water, that sure trumps exercise and certainly makes me forget about stress. I don't care where I saw it, even if it was a church where I'm supposed to be focused on God.  I think it's a blessing to have seen such beautiful God creation.  If you have not found anything so good looking that it feels like a breath of fresh air, I challenge you to go out and find it.  I know I did and I wasn't even expecting to find it.  Uhm, a fine brother, a nice specimen of a person, I haven't seen in a while and I hope it won't be too much longer before I see it again.  Amen! 

I have had my ah ha moment - a man.  A piece of eye candy, a tall glass of water! Stress no more, I'll just think about him.

Sunday, September 9, 2012


When someone dies close to you, your thoughts most often are of that person and the memories you have of that person.  Well, of course, right?

This Friday, my cousin died. He was more like a grandfather. He was family.  Death is never expected. You can never truly be ready for death. This weekend, most of my memories have been of him and thinking about the funeral.

As I thought about what I could share with the world on this Sunday, I thought about death. Not how sad I may be or the memories that I have of my cousin.  What struck me is that as I mourn his death, I have totally put the thoughts of my life on hold. Since Friday, I haven't stressed much about the struggles that I face daily in my life.  There has been loss of life and loss of my problems.

How is it that I stress on a regular basis about life struggles, yet in this time, in this time of mourning, I have lost sight.  I have lost sight of those daily things that I find important.  Maybe I should mourn someone everyday so that I forget about my daily struggles.  Do you think that would work?

I doubt it.

What I have realized is that if I can mourn and forget about my life's issues, then I can stress less and think about life's issues less. I can do it. I have the capability to know that all the issues of life are very small.  They can certainly be forgotten about quickly.

I always tell one of my girlfriends to get a hobby in order to stop stressing. So, what is that I should tell myself?  What is it that you use? Tell me about it. I can't possibly think about mourning in order to stop stressing. 

I'll just go take a walk and stress about stress later. I'll enjoy my mourning memories and enjoy the moments of a stress free life.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

The Game

My son started playing football this year.  I'm not quite sure how this is going to go, but we are trying it out.  On days he has practice, we have a routine.  I get home, he plays sick.  He goes through the motions of moaning and groaning about hating football.  I respond with a parental message of good health, exercise, and perseverance.  In response, he begins to dress for practice.  He gears up in the under armor,  football socks and football cleats.   Once at practice, he gears up with shoulder pads, goggles (he wears prescription glasses), and helmet.  He is READY.  Ready for what the game has in store.

He is now on the field, in his first game, running and tackling.  During the game he starts to have fun.  Goggles fog up, he can't see - the coach ask if he wants to stop playing and he responds, "no".  He can't see, but he wants to stay in the game.

After the game, I ask him if he hates it, he smiles.

I can relate.  I've held positions throughout the years where I would hate to get up.  I get to the building and then I'm all in the game.  Can't see for hating the place, so much, but I'm all in.  

More prevalent, is being a single parent.  There are many days that I wake up in pure disgust - I hate it.  How did I get here?  I hate it.  Each day, I wake up, get dressed in my single parent gear.  It's filled with perseverance, positivity, patience, drive, love and prayer.

Once I'm all geared up, I get into the game and go for the gusto.  I'm a parent.  Just like my son is a ball player.  I have to get in the game and play regardless of sight or insight.  I am the sole player in this game - I do everything.  I discipline. I laugh. I cry. I cook. I clean. I love.

My son and I - we've been together for the long haul.  I was married only for a moment, but while married my husband worked so much, it was still just the two of us.

We've been in this game for almost eight years now.  All he knows is me and all I know his him.  We are teammates, in this game together.  He throws the balls and I catch them. The tricky part is that I have to run the ball and tackle in every play.  I'm the offense and the defense.

I hate it sometimes, but just like my son, once I'm in the game there is some thrill to the action.  Pushing through the game win or lose.  Ask me if I hate the game in the morning, I would tell you yes.  Ask me after I've made it through a day, when the game is over and he is sound asleep - I will just smile.

In life we all have a position to play if we like it or not.  The thrill of the game is not how easy or hard it is to play, but the simple fact of being able to keep up in the game.  Parent. Wife. Sister. Mother. Brother. Father. Employee. Employer. Get READY, get in the game, play your part and keep on smiling.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

I don't normally curse on my blog, but this message requires it. 

Bitch bad.  I'm a bad bitch. 

This past week, thanks to musical artist Lupe Fiasco, those words have been a hot topic.  His song Bitch Bad brought to surface the word Bitch and how it is used in society.  (The video is even deeper, so check it out too.)

Bitch. I know I've used the word more than it should be during all of the 1990s which were my teen to young adult years.  As I've grown, I don't use the provocative and profane word too much.  I have a different perspective on the word.

Now in the 90s, the word Bitch got me through.  It go me through hanging out in my hood with friends and enemies.  It was a word that I used as a term of endearment for my girls.  That's my bitch, bitch please, and y'all my bitches.  It would have been considered my favorite word.  Bitch got me through some arguments with the messy girls, the girls who liked to fight.  It got me through being cool and accepted.  I was often considered the black stuck up girl who thought she was better than everybody.  So, I showed the cool people that I was like them.  It was acceptable.  As a young woman developing, I have been pretty independent so I know that I've used the word relating to me being a bad bitch.  It was a curse word growing up in my house, a bad word and it wasn't acceptable.  

So why didn't I ever have the thought to just be me?  I was mostly a pleasant person.  Why didn't I stand up to another level? I could have said me nor my friends aren't bitches...we are ladies.  I really don't know why I felt the need to not make up my own mind.

Having said that, Lupe Fiasco's message is relevant.  It is relevant today and would have been relevant back in the 1990s when I was in my youth.  As adults, we use words without truly realizing the impact that it has on children and their development.

As a mother to a son, I've remained careful about how I present myself and the words I say.  I don't call myself a bitch and pretty sure, I don't call my girls that anymore. I very rarely ever use the word.

I carry myself like the strong and independent lady that I am.  I set an example for my son and other young children around me.  Words are powerful.  Images are powerful.  Many musical artist, actors, and actresses are only doing their job or pursuing their passion.  It's up to those parents, mentors, family members, and community members to filter through what is exposed to those brains that are far too delicate to understand exactly what they are listening to.  They listen, they sing, they repeat, but they certainly don't understand the depth of the messages.

Thank you Lupe for keeping the message going.  Now I'll make sure I say, in the words of comedienne Adele Givens, I'm such a fucking lady. (JUST JOKING)  Now and forever I will make sure to pay attention to my words and images in which I expose to my son and those coming up in young generations.

Lupe Fiasco - Bitch Bad [Music Video]

Tuesday, July 10, 2012


A woman tried to kill herself recently. She is one of those least expected people to do such a thing. So I asked someone in her circle...why? The answer to the question was a failing marriage. Finding out too much information about your spouse's extracurricular activites is painful. I know first hand. It doesn't matter the time length of the marriage, 4 years, 14 years, or 40 years. All that matters is one had the courage to put their lives...their trust into the hands of another. This woman carried the weight of a marriage all to encounter devastation. Her only out was to leave the world.

Things didn't quite work out like she planned. I just wish she had the courage to leave their home rather than the world.

Another woman I know has decided a couregeous route. She is stepping out of an abusive marriage. I am so happy! My prayer is that it's not too late. Is it ever too late to have the courage to leave?

Women have many burdens to carry and all too often it is the decision to exit a relationship filled with abuse and infidelity. In my ordinary person view, I believe that there is never a right time to find the courage to leave. I do however believe from personal experience that there is only one way to leave and end up on top.

Have a plan!

I don't mean a little one either. I mean an iron tight, private investigator, secret service type plan. Set a plan, follow through and no matter what, do not falter. Do not let emotions lead you. Cry, but push through the tears!

Have the courage, set the plan, and step out of the situation with breath left to breathe. I can promise that in due time the struggle used to get through the plan will all be a faint memory. The only thing that you will remember is that you had the courage enough to make a bad situation better.

Saturday, June 9, 2012


Maria won.

As her tennis match came to an end, she fell to her knees, folded over, and then raised her hands to the sky. The thrill of victory. She looked up to the sky as if to say thank you God for the victory. What an awesome feeling to win the game. It must feel good. It certainly looked good. It was as if she had accomplished everything she lived for. Life was now complete. That win was the only win that mattered. 

I did it. I won. After all the practices and games, I did it. I claim the victory!

Have you ever felt like that?

Watching that victory, I had to wonder had I ever felt like that about any accomplishment in my life.  I know I had to have done something. Maybe not. Does it matter? To me, yes. That's just a feeling I want.  I want to fall to my knees and raise my hands in the thrill of victory.  Should I be doing that everyday for the thrill of making it through a day? Will everyday victory have the same effect?

I don't think I've made it to my victory just yet. I've obtained a degree. I've completed education programs. I've landed I've published articles in newspapers. I've given birth and survived it.  As a young mother, I've had no place to live, but friends to take me in. I've felt the thrill of some victories for sure.  Reading this, I guess I should be falling to my knees in victory.

What's your victory?

Victory doesn't have to come from winning an international game or any game for that matter.  It has to come from survival of each day.  Survival is victory.  Accomplishment is victory.

Don't sit on the side line with a blank stare wondering how you could be defeated.  Find victory in just making it through the game.  Fall to your knees, raise your hands in celebration, and accept your reward of accomplishment and survival.

Monday, June 4, 2012


Have you ever truly sat and observed parents?  Have you sat in a car line dropping off or picking up your child from school? If you haven't, try it. Well I've done it and many times it isn't so pretty.  It makes me think about the development of the children and how they come about doing and saying things they do.  For example being a bully.  I do believe that most of that behavior stems from one place - home.  There isn't a meeting or class that can tell me that a school is the primary place that should be teaching children the correct way to treat others.

Just today I watched a show and they spoke about bullying. It's a topic spoken about almost daily worldwide. I think it about it every time I drop off my son at school or camp. It's a scary topic when you hear of some children killing themselves because of it. Having been teased or bullied as a child myself, I can relate.  However I found ways to build myself up rather than allow some outsider determine my fate.

For some time now I've had the pleasure or displeasure to get acquainted with parents in this small and rural town. Of course parents from larger and more urban areas may be similar. Getting to know these people I've noticed how using profanity and derogatory conversation is normal. Many parents I've run across flat out curse their children out as if they were the scum of the earth. Do these parent's mean what they say? Maybe. Maybe not. I know for a fact they would probably lay down and die for their child. However the correlation of using such conversation and the development of a child is not considered.

I've asked myself why wouldn't a parent who calls their child a MF or bastard, or B think that it would matter once the child steps out of the home. I don't think that registers with some people. I don't think it's a race thing because I've seen many races do it. My observations have been in this area primarily - an area where the percentage of high school drop-outs exceeds college attendees or graduates. The lack of education.  That could simply be the answer.  The answer too could be a difference of moral beliefs. Then I have to say no to that option as well.  Why? Because in the same breath these parents curse to their children, they still expect them to have some form of respect for them and certain adults.

Two weeks ago, I was speaking with a young mother and her 3-year old son was sitting to the side with his older sister.  When out of nowhere this child said "shut the F up." I was floored. So as I turned to inform him that wasn't acceptable, he looked at me like I was crazy. No, I didn't wait for his mother to correct him because he had to know flat out that I didn't care what she thought. That just isn't appropriate in public or at home. The mother too tried to shut him up, but only to be quiet and not to inform him what he said was wrong. Parenting. So with that one mother's parenting skills, what do you think is going to happen once he gets into a school environment?  He will most likely be a bully. If he doesn't have the respect at 3, how can one expect him to have it at 13. If you start a child off with certain types of food, behavior, environment, it forms them as a person. Period. The first several years of a child's life forms them.

Studies done state that children bully because of their low
self-esteem, difficult times handling emotions, trust issues, or lack of assertiveness. I'm sure some in depth study has even more details. 

As this is my blog and my interpretation on life...I interpret that some bullying comes from being taught. Some children are being taught or witnessing some form of disrespect in their home environment. It may be a cursing out or disrespecting of another loved one or stranger on the street. It truly doesn't matter. What the child has taken from the people in their home is that it is OK to disrespect. If it's OK to disrespect a relative then all others are certainly fair game. In their minds there is nothing wrong with calling someone a name or belittling them. That is common place in their home. There is nothing wrong with that.

My message to schools and community leaders is to keep doing what you are doing. Instill good lessons as best as possible. However realize that most times it truly isn't the child's fault. They are only doing what they know how to do. It's a scary thought to realize - some parents just aren't the parents you would hope for.  They don't care what you are teaching in that school - they are the F'ing parent and what the F they say is what goes. 

As for my home and my son...he is being loved, he is being taught to respect others, and he is being taught to just walk away and not listen to the nonsense!

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

If you will, take a moment to check out my new blog "My one true love."  Listed on there are clips of some articles I've written.  Look for more to come.  The articles were written a few years ago, but the stories are great reads for a lifetime.  Spread the word!

- SoloSoul

Monday, May 7, 2012

One never knows

This is a quick tale of two men. Two men from two very different worlds.

The first fellow, a southern guy turned big city New York banker. No kids. No wife. A girlfriend here and there. His life appeared carefree. His primary worry was his bank account and how many zeros were in it. Sometimes a wonder about the possibility of a wife and kids. However, the money in his career and personal life were top on his list. Those were the worries of this early 40s young man. That was up until about seven months ago. Seven months ago, he found out that he had the big C! CANCER was centralized on his tongue. The story goes on with chemo and radiation...

You just never know...

My good fellow number two just settling into adulthood, in his early 20s.  This southern boy started out life in a good light. He chose a hardworking, blue collar manuel labor job over the streets of hustling or college. Everyone has their own path and he chose the one best for him. It being a positive path, who could be mad at him. He has lived life I'm sure with plans and possibilities.  He wakes up and heads to work everyday. This good fellow has just been living.  This week, he woke up for work probably just happy and ready for the upcoming weekend....

You just never know.

Both of these good fellows died last week.

My good fellow number one; his cancer took a strong hold of him. It spread through his body like money through his hands.

You just never know. 

My good fellow number two was killed by work materials.  Just like that. No warning. No nothing. All he did was wake up and go to work.
You just never know.

What are you worried about? What are you doing? What is to be realized is that none of it really matters because you just never know!

Saturday, April 28, 2012

The other WOMAN

I'm in a situation...
Once burned, twice shy?

I don't know if that's what you want to call it, but sometimes women make choices to be the other woman.  Most times it has nothing to do with others, but all to do with the individual. 

A new prospect was presented to one of my girls.  We researched him.  She wanted to proceed with caution because she is in a situation. A situation she doesn't want to ruin. The man she is with treats her well, considering he isn't single.  He lives with his woman (not wife) and my girl is the other woman.  He is a good man, she said.  He treats me well, she said.  I couldn't say a word.  I dare not go against what she said.  It's a beautiful thing to be loved. At what cost...that's up to the individual.

There is a famous Betty Wright song that goes...I'll be the other woman, just as long as I know, that I'm the only other woman you make love to, other than your wife.

 I've been the wife on the other end of that sentence and of course it doesn't feel so good.  You marry with the intention of being the only woman.  I've learned through experience and witness that sometimes you might be lucky to just be the main woman.

I might sound a little cynical to some of you hopeless romantics and lovers of love.  Rest assure, I still believe in love.

I laugh at life.  How do you truly know if you are the only woman?  You will never know.  That's the sad part about it.  You might just be a part-time love.  Some men and some women just need that love and attention for a short time.  Some just need a little variety.  However you can get what you want or need, get it.  Sometimes that's just as good as any fairytale you can imagine.

Find what feels good. 

Another friend of mine recently realized, after about three years, that she truly was the other woman.  What role did she play?  She was the strong, stable, and mature one. The main woman is young and flirty.  On his death bed today, he still toggles with what role either of them really played.  Did it hurt her to find out? No.  It didn't hurt because the role she played was just fine with her.  It also didn't hurt because she now knows her place in his life.  Now she can continue on with her life others.  It's a dangerous game to play.  It's life.  I can't go as far as saying it's about being single because this other woman game gets a little more tricky in marriages. 

Some find security in these relationships. Some find contentment because something is better than nothing.  Some find companionship.  Whatever and however it takes to get it, some out there are just trying to get it.

There was a time that I would bash the other woman because I was never the other woman.  I loathed what she stood for.  I was her victim. 

Today, I don't stand in firm happiness about the other women.  I don't stand in their defense. What I stand for is whatever makes you happy.  I can't stand in judgment because maybe they were burned once.  Judge not.

If you haven't experienced this other woman thing on either side....keep living.

Life is about choices.

Friday, April 13, 2012

So Amazing

So amazing...

On Easter Sunday I sat on the ole' porch of the house that my grandfather built.  He built it with his hands in 1950.  The floors still remain with the same wood he used.  The yard, a little more updated with a concrete drive way instead of a grass driveway.

I sat on that porch in amazement as my son attempted to make hand prints on the concrete with water.  His thought was that the water would outline his hand and show the hand print.  What's so amazing to me is that he has a piece of concrete in which he could do that.  What's so amazing is that it's the same piece of concrete me and my childhood friends placed our footprints into the fresh concrete back in the 1980s.  We did that at about the same age as my son.  So amazing...

I hope that one day that my son too will have some place to return to and watch life.  Watch how life evolves.  Watch at amazement of how his children will repeat the same things he has done.  It's an amazing feeling. 

And as I write at this very moment, he is writing.  At seven, he is asking me what he should write about.  It's so amazing.  I gave him a topic to write about and watch in amazement as he writes.

It's times like these that I can say that my heart goes to those friends of mine who haven't or can't conceive children.  I once told one of my single and childless friends that they aren't really missing anything.  Life will truly go on without having a child.  However it's times like sitting on the porch of my ancestors with my future, my son, it makes me realize how special it is to have a child...even if it is just one.  Children are a blessing.  Children are amazing.  If you can't be blessed with a child, find amazement in your spouse or your family...sit back and take it all in. 

Uhmmmm Ahhhhh! I know it's so amazing.......

Amazement comes in so many ways, you just have to find your so amazing thing.

Sunday, February 12, 2012


What's your purpose?  I feel like I've blogged about this recently...

In a sermon or two, I've heard that people come into your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime.  The question is how to determine which one those in your life fit.  I've dated a guy or two when it came time to have that "just friends" conversation.  It's not always easy to be on either side of that conversation.  However when it's time, it is time. It is time to realize that person is there just for a season. While it would be nice to have some people or situations around for a lifetime, that's just not always the case.

It's hard to change seasons...long or short.  When seasons change with the weather, we often need to change attire, moods, or routines.  The same goes with people who come in and out of your lives.  It can be agreed among many that change is never easy, but certainly necessary.  With no change, there is no growth.

In my most reason change in seasons, I've had to sit back and really think about what the change meant.  It is my belief that change happens in order for us to pay attention to something else in life we may be neglecting, i.e. health, wealth, spirituality or family.  In my honest opinion...after having dealt with this a few times...I don't think we should waste time on trying to figure out why someone has left, but rather what is it in your life that needs attention.  Don't focus your attention on that season.  Focus on the new season that is vastly approaching because a new season is certainly coming soon. 

Next time a situation in your life changes...a loss of job or relationship.  Don't worry about the loss.  Just think about what is to come.  From experience I know that seeing things that way may confuse those around you.  Why?  I think many people want you to debate with them about why...why are you leaving me? Why did you fire me?  That's not to debate.  Just accept the change in seasons and look forward to what's to come!  Next time it might be for a lifetime...if not, then you can certainly rest assure that it is for a reason!!!

Good-bye season!!! Thanks for the time well spent.  You served your purpose now I look forward to what is to come next.


One of greatest loves to have is love of self. 

I never got a chance to say more than "hello" to her after a brief introduction way back when I was a kid.  If  only I would have been given the chance to sit down with her...well, this blog will express some things about what I would have said.  If it somehow reaches those closest to her, I hope this gives them some solace and happiness about the life she lived.

She was one of the few famous people whom I actually adored.  I choose those people wisely.  Whitney Houston's art and presence made me have some heartfelt attachment to her.  Growing up with her art was pure greatness!

I was a young girl when the hit The Greatest Love of All was released.  I would sing that song to the top of my lungs!  I would watch the video in amazement about how this beautiful woman moved me with her voice and her words.  It was her assurance.  It was her belief in me, a young girl.  She herself a young woman growing in life and a career.  From that point on, I've been mesmerized by her voice.  It moves me to hear her voice alone.  Her art. Her words. Her voice.  All of them pure greatness.

You should always tell someone how you feel before they leave this place.  Many times you hear people say that.  Well, I don't think my words would have ever been of some importance to Whitney, but it really doesn't matter.  I don't care when she died, how she died, or why she died.  What matters is how that woman lived her life.  It was great.  Judge not! I judge not what personal issues she or any other person has...what I know is Whitney spread a word of faith, love, and hope in all of her music.  Her music set a fine example for young girls to grow up with.  I only hope that her great legacy lives on.

Whitney's greatness certainly stands out to me and I will spread her legacy on as a woman who carried herself like a lady.  Her art of music spread words that built up a person's character.  It wasn't about being flashy and showy, it was just about living great.

So to her family and friends...know that Whitney was truly one of the GREATEST!  I'm sure as she is resting, she knows that the messages she spread were certainly a blessing! Well done, Whitney. Well done!

Monday, January 23, 2012



Sounds so good to me. Stability is the one thing a friend of mine is looking for in life. That's a good word. The sound of it alone is strong. 

It made me think about exactly what I wanted out of a relationship or out of life period. I've used many words, but for some reason stable had been a little out of reach for me. Scary thought especially being that I'm a single mother.

It's good to have good people around you. That one word turned my list upside down. That's a beautiful thing. With the defining of stability, it certainly fits in my life. I NEED STABILITY. I need it in every aspect of my life. In that list for the man of my dreams, the job of my dreams, the world of my dreams - stability is at the top of my list.

I can have an ah-ha moment knowing that I've found a friend - a life long friend who provides some stability in my life.

It feels so good. It's like a sno-ball or sno-cone on a  hot as hell day! Uhm, stability tastes so darn good.

I don't just want a man with a job this year...I want one who can keep one - stability. I don't just want a man with good credit...I want one who can manage the money all year 'round - stability. I don't want a man who can stand up straight...I want one with a backbone and the confidence to get things done - stability.

What about you?

Many of my friends, male and female, have agreed with this subject of stability. It's a priceless asset to a relationship. It's so good to have good people around you. Converse with friends, they keep you stable. Good people keep you thinking in different ways. A good and stable friend is more than just someone to watch a movie with.


Knock, knock, knocking at my flipping door! 
He has lost what little mind he has left! 
Please let me go! Leave me alone!

Obsession, to preoccupy thoughts, feelings, or desires of a person. Infatuated. Preoccupied.  Troubled. To persistently dwell on something.

This man is obsessed with me! I'm obsessed with figuring out how to stop this obsession.  How the heck do I do that?  I've read a few things on stalkers and some experts have said that no man will stop with their obsession until they are ready.  So what the heck am I doing trying to stop someone from obsessing over me.  While it may sound cute to have some one be infatuated with you, it's not!

I just want him to go away! 

There have been movies about obsession.  Songs about obsession. It's a thrill to hear such a thing.  We sit on the edge of our chairs in anticipation as to what is about to happen next.  Well, as much as I love horror and suspenseful movies - I'm not enjoying my own life movie right now.

From love to fear and then into rage - I can't take this freaking crap anymore!

I share ,y frustration with this person who is obsessed with me for a couple of reasons. This is a public site and maybe, just maybe this person will read one more avenue that I'm expressing my hatred for this obsession.   I also share this as my way to reach anyone who may be reading this.  If you are obsessed with any one thing or person - STOP IT!

Obsession is synonymous with being troubled, haunted, or possessed.  Sounds a little like someone possessed by a demon to me.  Don't be haunted by a person or topic in life.  Let it go!  It's very frustrating to be obsessed and see that your obsession is not changing.  You can wonder why that obsession hasn't changed, but it's purely because it simply won't change.  Therefore forever in your life, you will be haunted by an obsession.  You can't change everything.  You certainly can't change people.

I refuse to be haunted by this person who is obsessed with me.  I'm refuse to be obsessed about anything.  Let it go! Let her go! Let him go! Let everything go!

Obessess with nothing and live with one less frustration in life.

Monday, January 9, 2012


Essence - the individual, real, or ultimate nature of a thing, especially as opposed to its existence; the inward nature; the most significant element quality, or aspect of a thing or person.

The essence of love is just the mere presence of love.
The essence of love is unselfishness
The essence of love is knowing just when to say when it's time to end a love.

The essence of life is living it.
The essence of life is the smile that is sometimes masked by the pain and struggles of life.

The essence of friendship is unselfishness as friendship should equate with love.

Having read a recent publication of Essence magazine, it was captivating how the essence of life was depicted by several women featured. The stories of these women moved me as I found myself within their stories. Their stories truly depicted the essence of life. As we live our lives we will often have obstacles, but there is always a way through them. There is so much beauty in knowing that. There is so much beauty in the constant realization of that. The essence of life, how beautiful.

Love. Love. The essence of love is just to have had it at some point. The essence of love is that it's complex. The essence of love is that where is no way around falling in love, but there is a way not to let love make you fall. Some things must come to an end...even in love.


The fundamental nature of something
The most distinctive element of a thing
Intrinsic feature

Find the essence in everyday things and you are sure to find a daily smile.


The state or condition of having little to no money
No means of support




There are websites dedicated to it. There are local, national, and worldwide organizations dedicated to it. There have been studies about it. With such destitute synonyms why wouldn't there be such dedication and study of a topic? With such destitute meanings, I wonder why a mother would name her child POVERTY.

In her dazed state of childbirth was she so pissed because she lived in poverty? Did she throw in some other pronunciation of the word? Was she just trying to be funny and show the world exactly what poverty can do? What? What is going on?

I don't know what our world has come to. I'm more accepting of a Bonquisha or a Jakelisheajahia than I am with Poverty. What exactly is going on here? I'm just saying...