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Sunday, November 18, 2012


Do all prospects count?  

This is a rather funny topic that I conversed with friends about this week.  Often times, I have men who approach me whom I feel are less than adequate.  Some women think it is flattering. Some men think it's a opportunity to get to know me.  Some women say that these less than adequate men don't count as a prospect.

Where do you fall?

I personally believe that a man without the potential that I can recognize immediately, don't count as a prospect.  These people are merely entertainment for me.  Call me evil for being so judgmental, I don't care.  A guy friend told me that the pure fact that I listen to the men, they believe that they have "scored" and that they are in there to get to know me.  I disagree.

Let me first begin with the following phrases:
 "Say red, what's up?" 
 "Say what's up?" 
"Say you married?" 

These three, I get a lot.  Primarily because I work in an environment where I come in contact with a diverse group of people.  In addition, I live in a more rural area.  So with those things into consideration, these are somewhat normal phrases.  Now having said that, I wish someone would take my side and say that the men who approach me with those phrases do not count as prospects.

Men who approach me with less than desired phrases don't get the opportunity to let me find out if they are business men, family men or something combined.  These men do not count for me. I do not find it flattering that these men even recognize my presence in the room.  I appreciate the fact that they feel like I must be some type of quality woman just by my pure presence, however I find no attraction into their approach.  I have to question my appreciation as well because many men aren't seeking quality, some are seeking a quick night in the bed. 

Well, whatever the reason is that these men find the courage to approach me, I do not find it flattering.  Some arrogant man may say that I am a female dog and that I should be lucky that someone would approach me.  However, I would hope that most would view me as knowing how I as a woman of quality should be approached.  I do believe that most chivalry is dead.

I've debated the issue with men and women from different walks in life - why is that some men don't know when to stay in their "lane" or "league"? Just because I am a woman doesn't make me for you and the same in reverse.  I am not going to go up to Common (the musical artist) and ask for a date.  Why?  We are in different lanes in life.  He is a famous performer and I am an everyday working woman.  While it is possible for our intellects to combine, I do believe the two of us are in different leagues purely based on our everyday lifestyles. So why is it that I often hear myself and other women discuss the same issue about the types of men who approach them?

I carry myself in a particular manner and I hope only to be reciprocated with the same. Again back to the issue, I do not believe that those who approach me who are less than desirable count as a true prospect.  It isn't flattering and doesn't make me feel any more excited about the dating pool of men. 

Prospects only count if they are on my level in some way of life - career, education, family, lifestyles, beliefs, or spirituality.  If none of those or most of those have no form of connection between me and a man who presents himself to me, then he is not a prospect.

So, who has been checking you out lately?  Are all of them prospects? Does it matter? Why don't some men get the picture?

Tuesday, November 6, 2012


We regret to inform you...

Those five words have been repeated to me almost daily for a while now. Rejection. Rejection from opportunities, jobs, schools, organizations, people and any other entity that fits in between that I didn't list.

What did I do wrong?

Why did I do it?
How can I change it?
Can I change it?
Is it my fault?
Is it any one's fault?
Why me?
Where do I go from here?

Regardless of where rejection comes from, I'm certain at some point in life we all experience it. While I often feel like I'm the poster child for it, I know that I am not alone. As with all things in life, the question is how to deal with it. 

Those closest to me have given me all the advice and comfort that they have been able to muster. To them, I must say, I appreciate it. However at the end of the day, I must figure out how to handle it. Through my dealings, I am certain there is someone out there that may find comfort in my words.

My spiritual guide leads to this: Romans 8:28 - And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose.

My practical advice through quotes and conversation is that without rejection, there is no depth into a person. Without something that comes along to make you question, then there is no growth. Without being knocked down a bit, then there is no way to know how to pick yourself up. Without rejection, without some form of sadness, then there is no appreciation for the acceptance and happiness.

With all that, I still get pissed - angry. I still want a break - some good news. I still haven't reached the understanding about why I have been receiving so much rejection. I tell myself that I don't know how much more rejection I can take - yet I wake up every morning.

With that in mind, as I've read quotes and readings from philosophers, counselors, authors, and common people there has been one overall tune. One will never truly understand the rejection or strife encountered until the good thing comes through. It will not be until then that a person will understand the why in life.

Lesson to be learned that if you have been rejected from school, job, date, organization, loan, there is without a doubt a reason why. I believe that to be true in all aspects of life - many have been rejected from being a parent or a spouse. That too I'm certain brings about great emotions as well. Rest assure, the clarification is coming and will likely come in a format not expected. Whenever and however, know that all the good in the world to come will come.

Reject rejection! 
Refuse to accept that rejection will determine who and what you are to be.