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Tuesday, August 17, 2010


One of my favorite shows is a wedding revamp show. Brides get a makeover for their ill prepared weddings to celebrate the union of two.
It's amazing.
Makes me wanna cry sometimes.
Hell, I want that.

I know it's not a fairytale world. I know it's not about that wedding that can sometimes turn into a spectacle. I want the love - the commitment - the dedication and the celebration of that finding with that spectacular wedding. I know, I've been there, it's not all about the love. It's about similar dedications in life. It's a wide variety of what makes one want or need to make that commitment and walk down the aisle in one of those luxurious weddings. I still want it. I can't believe I'm admitting to that. Hell, I'm a statistic...adding to the number of divorces in America. One of those marriages that ended before a 5 yr anniversary could be reached. I still want it again a kid wants a cell phone to text. The older I get, the less likely I think that I will find someone who fits the mold. I have a good list now - trying not to make the same mistake twice. My list includes a man with....
Attainable goals, not just a notion, but concrete goals
Articulation, I'm no fan of slang - can't stand too much of it.
Using the N word constantly makes me sick. Maybe I'm just getting old.
Faith, because without it, how do we survive?
Travel savy, because I love it. My family & friends live near and far. It's fun to visit and reconnect every once in a while. The world has so much to offer, why sit in one spot all the time?

And my list goes on...

I'm not going to find the perfect one. I'm not going to find a clone of myself. I actually wouldn't make it with someone exactly like me. I'm not searching for perfection.

I want it bad. So, where is he? Will I really find him? I don't think I'm unrealistic in my list. I just want it bad. I want to finish my sentence with that one. Maybe he is in my life already...uhm...

In my quest for being more positive, I need to find the positive outlook on this situation. Is there one? I just can't believe I'm admitting to wanting something like this so bad. I've never really wanted it this bad. Sometimes those things you want so bad aren't so good for you. I want chocolate most of the time and it's just not too good for me. It makes me happy, but leads to nothing too great after having it too much. Hell, I don't care. I still want it and I want it bad. I just wish it was like wanting that career where you can just go to school and obtain that title within four years. Why can't it be so easy to attain? Maybe this first step in admitting to myself that I actually want something like this will result in something...Until then I will remain at peace with the life I have at this moment.

It's a great reminder to live in the moment. Live, love, laugh! If I get what I want so bad from the person I want so bad then I will be elated. If I don't get what I want, then I will find the happiness within what is given to me.

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