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Sunday, June 27, 2010

It's past 12am. This is the only peaceful time I get. I enjoy it while it lasts. It's a blessing to have a child, but some things in life are a blessing and a curse. Motherhood, all alone is no picnic. No, I never thought it would be. However, I never imagined this life in any way. Who could imagine finding a crappy husband. You go into it with great plans and love. Then it all falls apart quicker than a flash of an eye. It's cool, it's fine and dandy. My faith in a higher power knows that all things happen for a reason. My noisey and constant busy days are just preparation for something greater. I don't want to sound like I'm bashing being a mother. That is not the case. Just like with anything in life, your job, your husband, etc., you get frustrated with things sometimes.

I'm just frustrated for so many reasons. Lately, my concern has been that I can't give my child something he desires and truly needs. A father. At this point, he truly does only have a sperm donor. He needs a role model. Someone to show him the simple things in life. It's totally different coming from a woman. I can't show him how to play sports like a boy does. There are just some things that I truly can't show him. Now, I try my best. There is just nothing like the real thing baby.

Whew, so much so fast. What a way to start off this lovely blog writing. The journey has just begun. Thanks to my friend, Charlene who inspired me to try this...the book will follow in years to come! She felt like his would be a great start to my life-long dream.

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