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Saturday, August 28, 2010


He/she loves me
He/she holds me
He/she protects me
We laugh
We cry
We help each other...

Most people, mostly women thrive on this thing called independence. We make songs about it. We are applauded by others about it. We wear t-shirts flaunting the title. So much goes into being independent and sharing that independence with others. What if we all put as much into getting and maintaining that independence into securing a mate? Often times there isn't much work into securing a mate because we just feel like we don't need a mate to survive. While that may be true because we only need water and bread to truly survive...there is nothing like the loving, holding, laughing, crying, and helping that comes with a mate. So I'm going to try to work on my relationship status...if it's independent or with a mate...I will leave you to guess...I'm going to make sure that I keep it "tight" and work on it.

Have you worked on your status lately? Let's keep it together people...keep it together.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


The older I get, the more I realize that our childhood truly does follow us for a lifetime. For me, it's the resentment and lack of trust in men. Throughout childhood, I often carried those feelings toward the men in my life. There were always those things that he said he would do that he never did. Those birthday parties missed or those birthdays forgotten. No phone call. Nothing. The children closest to his location were always the ones who got the most attention and most support.

Something. It was always something.

After a while, I had to let some of it go.

Things like this resurface in relationships with men now. I don't trust them...don't trust them one bit. I'd like to think that there are those that are 100% out there, but I'm so saddened to find just the opposite. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I give off the vibes...who knows.
What's an even more scary thought is that I may choose the wrong people based on what I've experienced in my childhood. Hence the reason I believe that your childhood truly follows you for a lifetime.

How can something so wrong be reversed?

Now I have a child who is stepping into a similar web. I wish so bad that I could go back and undo what I've done.

So...I'm about to create a cycle with my child. Well, maybe it will be fine since he can find a sense of trust in me being the opposite sex. Wow! That's profound in a way because what if he becomes too trusting? Naw, I believe the environment I provide for him, he will know for a lifetime what true love really is. How to know, just by instinct, that a woman can be trusted or a woman is worthy.

So today I say, be careful how you live your life and raise your children. You are certainly forming them for a lifetime. We can't change our childhood, but I've been told we can certainly change our futures. Uhm...

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


Today I have a plea. A plea for children. Leave them alone! Keep your hands to yourself!

Why are people touching these babies?

Leave them alone.

How would it feel if I shoved a broom up your butt?
Put a cigarette in your hole...
How would that feel?

Yeah, I bet
I bet you don't have any feelings at all.
You can't have feeling to hurt a child - sleeping with a child... Keep your dirty hands to your dirty self!

From tears to anger, I fill to the brim with emotions for these children. This world has so much in store for these children - life is good and hard enough! Keep them innocent!

Keep your hands to yourself!
I know someone told you that along the way. If they didn't - I'm telling you now. If you know better tell someone else - keep your hands to yourself.

If I had my way, I would change the laws for touching a child to the equivalent of murder. Why? You just murdered a soul. Yeah, there is chance for a rebirth of that soul, but sometimes emotions and scars never die.

Keep your hands to yourself! You just make me sick!


One of my favorite shows is a wedding revamp show. Brides get a makeover for their ill prepared weddings to celebrate the union of two.
It's amazing.
Makes me wanna cry sometimes.
Hell, I want that.

I know it's not a fairytale world. I know it's not about that wedding that can sometimes turn into a spectacle. I want the love - the commitment - the dedication and the celebration of that finding with that spectacular wedding. I know, I've been there, it's not all about the love. It's about similar dedications in life. It's a wide variety of what makes one want or need to make that commitment and walk down the aisle in one of those luxurious weddings. I still want it. I can't believe I'm admitting to that. Hell, I'm a statistic...adding to the number of divorces in America. One of those marriages that ended before a 5 yr anniversary could be reached. I still want it again a kid wants a cell phone to text. The older I get, the less likely I think that I will find someone who fits the mold. I have a good list now - trying not to make the same mistake twice. My list includes a man with....
Attainable goals, not just a notion, but concrete goals
Articulation, I'm no fan of slang - can't stand too much of it.
Using the N word constantly makes me sick. Maybe I'm just getting old.
Faith, because without it, how do we survive?
Travel savy, because I love it. My family & friends live near and far. It's fun to visit and reconnect every once in a while. The world has so much to offer, why sit in one spot all the time?

And my list goes on...

I'm not going to find the perfect one. I'm not going to find a clone of myself. I actually wouldn't make it with someone exactly like me. I'm not searching for perfection.

I want it bad. So, where is he? Will I really find him? I don't think I'm unrealistic in my list. I just want it bad. I want to finish my sentence with that one. Maybe he is in my life already...uhm...

In my quest for being more positive, I need to find the positive outlook on this situation. Is there one? I just can't believe I'm admitting to wanting something like this so bad. I've never really wanted it this bad. Sometimes those things you want so bad aren't so good for you. I want chocolate most of the time and it's just not too good for me. It makes me happy, but leads to nothing too great after having it too much. Hell, I don't care. I still want it and I want it bad. I just wish it was like wanting that career where you can just go to school and obtain that title within four years. Why can't it be so easy to attain? Maybe this first step in admitting to myself that I actually want something like this will result in something...Until then I will remain at peace with the life I have at this moment.

It's a great reminder to live in the moment. Live, love, laugh! If I get what I want so bad from the person I want so bad then I will be elated. If I don't get what I want, then I will find the happiness within what is given to me.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Delayed Devotion

My man, he was so devoted to me those first couple of years. I never truly wanted for anything. When a girl needed a new pair of shoes, I got 'em. Groceries always filled the frige. When night came and I needed someone to hold, he came to me. He was so dearly devoted to me, the woman he saw as his wife. That was until he got just what he wanted -a wife. A so dearly devoted wife. Then, I had to beg for the cash for the shoes, the food, the bills, and the money to care for our child. He devoted his time to some hot twat some place else...All is well...he came back with open arms. Baby I want to take care of you. I want to get you and my child a nice place to live. You are my wife after all...I'm devoted to you and only you.

Delayed Devotion.

When things happen in life, it is often said that true friends will always be around. I've found some flaw in that thought. Some people are friends by convenience. If you aren't quite convenient for them, then their friendship begins to fade. You think back on what you did wrong to have that friendship fall off into the abyss of nothingness. I mean the two, or three, or four...whatever were there for each other for the birth of a child, when one decided that motherhood wasn't quite for them, or when one just needed a helping hand. All this time you have been devoted friends. Then one day you were lost and just in need for a phone conversation. It hurt when she didn't answer that phone call...hurt worse than a break up from that most wonderful husband...didn't it? What happened to the devotion?

Delayed Devotion.

If you are a Christian...or of any faith for that matter. Stop praying. Stop meditating. Stop doing right by others. Stop going to church, temple, or religious service. Stop being devoted to it and watch what die inside.

Delayed Devotion.

That man. That woman. They are supposed to be my parents. I never heard them say I love you. Now I'm an adult and you want me to tell you that I love you? Really? They never gave me that talk about the birds and the bees. Now, I'm pregnant...I'm only 17. Some devoted parents they were. My daddy never scared off the boys. He never told me what to look for in a good man. Now he wants to judge the ones I choose...or help me find a way to get over the screwed up ones that I've chosen. If there was devotion there from day one, I wonder what would have happened?

Delayed Devotion.

I've pondered about this thought for about a week now. Two friends shared this topic with me via a song title. After getting this topic, I took it to others to tell me what exactly they thought of when hearing those words. From them, I received responses that summed up something, empty promises coming too late which caused pain or being sold short...something coming a little too late and not right on time. From that I gathered that devotion is one of the most important things in a relationship or anything we all encounter. When there is delayed devotion, there is lack of attention to detail. There is a total void when there is no devotion. Don't deprive your loved ones of it. Don't deprive your mind, body, and soul of devotion - dedicate yourself to those things! Sometimes it is good to wait for things...good things come to those who wait, but devotion...Devotion people is not one to be waited on...Delayed devotion kills.