Hood Pretty

In a conversation with a good friend, she questioned her attractiveness to men. Her problem is that all too often the wrong type of guy approaches her. That's an issue many women may have. How do we shuffle through the mess to get to the mountain? Why doesn't the mess realize exactly where they belong? Just because you live on the poppin' street, doesn't mean that you are the poppin' girl. You are the "educated and independent" woman that you worked so hard to form. Ha, no really you are not a woman with a title as educated or independent, you are just a woman of worth. Evidently no matter the status of a man, he can recognize the worth of a good woman. So, I say to my girl, don't look at it like being only Hood Pretty, where mostly only the hood reply, look at it as being an outstanding woman who has a worth that NO MAN can deny.

To all my ladies who seem to have a tag on them that says All Men Apply, keep accepting applications. Eventually, there has to be the right applicant for the job. Your worth jumps out like the perfect job ad. Who wouldn't want to apply for the job?

Be Hood Pretty, Sophisticated Honey, Bubbling Beauty, whatever it is, but don't stress it...This too shall pass!

Labels

Diva
Fashionista
Natural
Organic
Sorority girl
Christian
Atheist
Prada
Coach
Leader
Follower

What's your label?

Recently, a classmate posted on a site that it bothered her that some people are so materialistic. They spend lots of money on their designer items and then spread the word. She said, no one really asked the person that she was speaking with about their clothing items. Yet they continued on about their labels. How much their labels cost them etc. Why was it so important to share those labels, those designer names? Would it have made my classmate feel some way different, good or bad? What exactly is the point of a label?

I entered a new world ten years ago. I chopped off my hair and went natural - haven't straightened my hair since. So, I've entered the natural woman world. It's a place where some must begin a sentence with, "Hi, my name is Tiffany, and I'm natural." Well, duh...I can see that for myself. It's your hair, not your name. So often I continue to hear that label, I'm natural. I do this with my hair, I do that...it's all mine, etc. What's the purpose?

What happened to just living? If you live your life in a certain way, there is no need for a label. If I see a well-dressed young lady walking down the street... Uhm, maybe I would give her a title, fashionista...because she is all decked in designer labels. So what if I do? She certainly doesn't need to tell me her label because I can see it with my own eyes. What's funny is, just because of what I see, doesn't mean it's right. Just because you have your own label, doesn't make it fitting to you.

What is your label? Why do you need that label? What is so wrong with just living? Be yourself is saying it lightly. Just be. Throw away those labels. Know that whatever your God made you to be, you will be without the label. Know that the label can be ripped, torn up, and thrown away. Labels can be sticky and carry an unpleasant scratchy feeling. Labels can be irritating. How many labels have you really kept around?

If I ever run into you, friend, I hope to not label you because I would certainly not like it when I have to rip you out and throw you away. Just come label free!

Bridge

"There is a bridge there so we don't fall in the water," he says...

What is your bridge?
As usual, I pull my inspiration from simple things, words, sentences, and my son. Today's profound statement came from my little one. As he shared those words about the bridge with me, I immediately thought, yes that is exactly why we have a bridge. If there were no bridges, we would always fall. We would always get wet. We would never get over. We would never cross to the other side. We would only fall in the water and get wet or hurt.

What is your bridge?
I know that my bridge is often my words. I can express myself and get it all out and feel relieved. Writing gets me through the day. It gets me over without getting wet, without get hurt. It gets me over to the other side. Sometimes it is just want I need. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes, I would rather not cross the bridge. Why? I don't know. I know that in order to get where I'm going, I must cross a bridge. If it's not the bridge I want to cross, I still have to cross one.

What is your bridge?
What do you hold in your life that gets you over? What do you cross that protects you from getting wet or hurt along the way? You must hold something. You must hold something to get you over without getting wet, without getting hurt. If you don't, no wonder you are struggling with that thing - you haven't crossed the bridge and got over to the other side.

What is your bridge?
Find it.
Name it.
Pave it.
Cross it.
Take care of it.
Cross it.
Cross it.
Cross it.
Cross it as often as you need to protect you from falling, getting wet, and getting hurt.

There is a bridge there so that we don't fall in the water.

Guess What?

WE WOKE UP THIS MORNING!

LIVE
LIVE
LIVE
LAUGH
LAUGH
LAUGH

LAUGH OUT LOUD
LAUGH OUT LOUD
LAUGH OUT LOUD

Altar

I took it to the altar and left it there
the job
my son
worry
weight
I took it to the altar and left it there
him
her
them
it
I took it to the altar and left it there
revenge
hate
jealousy
envy
hurt
I took it to the altar and left it there
My, My, My
It does feel good
Take it to the altar and leave it there

We all carry so much baggage, it can be light or heavy, but we carry it. In conversations with others, I've learned that all too often many of us carry things that we don't even know we carry. Greed. Lust. All sorts of things. We call ourselves Christians but we all fall short of our teachings. In times of reflection, we must all remember to go back and leave it at the altar. It's like winning some money or meeting a nice person. It feels good. It's hard though, to let it go. We are so used to carrying that load, we feel empty without it. It's fine, empty up because tomorrow will be a busy day - time to fill up the bag. Isn't that funny?

Leave it at the altar, but don't leave the altar.

Supercalafragelisticexpialadocious

You are too fat for that
Look at you, you have on all pink - you look like a pig.
Don't do that
Don't get braces
You are going to be the fat girl with braces, a jeri curl and glasses
BIG SONJA!
I hated that shit!
Sonja is a HOE (painted on the white picket fence next door)
POP!
If I close my eyes, I can feel my face get warm after a slap across the face...
BOOM
What was that?
My body just flew from the bed to against the wall - sliding down to the floor...
RUN SONJA! RUN and DON'T STOP!
Never quite felt SUPERCALAFRAGELISTICEXPIALADOCIOUS.

Children, Life, Loved Ones....
They can be so MEAN....

Be careful what you say, when you say, and how you say it. Some things can stick harder than glue and no matter the 'ole saying Sticks and Stones may Break my Bones, but WORDS will NEVER hurt me...They do stick! They stick like SUPER GLUE. They hurt like a burn from a hot oven. Not to worry, there is always some acetone, soap & water to wash that hard ass shit off my hands. There is always the cooling of cold water to ease the burn.

Thank you REAL FRIENDS, (you know who you are) for trying to help me see beyond that...thanks for making me see that I am SUPERCALAFRAGELISTICEXPIALADOCIOUS!

Thanks for being that acetone, soap & water - it always works!

Thanks for being that cold water to run over my burn!

Stop

I think weekly, these words come out of my mouth.

I used to...
workout at least 4 times a week
not eat fast food
only eat sweets on the weekend
go to the dermatologist
meditate
read
write
go to poetry readings
have friend get-togethers
hang out with my girls
I used to...
Heck...it took me a long time to get to those things I used to do...

I'm so full of these things. What happened to me? I let one person ruin my life. I often say that the worst decision I made was to get married. Well, as I think about it, the worst thing that I've done in my life is to let one person's issues cause me to feel less of myself. Of course I love myself. I value myself. It's just that my days get hectic. My money is always low. So, I take it out on parts of my life that should not suffer. I know that I haven't been totally sleep for the past four years, but I have let so much of my life go to bed. Is it possible that all those used to things are really gone? If not, when will I be able to pick up those used to things again? I know it all lies within, but that, that's so much easier said than done.

My mind is racing. Constantly. No - I don't need medication. I could use a father. While one person will not repair all my ills, it would certainly help me get back to some of those used to things. Now as I've said before, I have to change what I can even with the circumstances that I have - but I can't even find the peace of mind to figure out just how to do that. That's why I truly don't look forward to my weekends. I enjoy not waking up early in the morning, but weekends leave me totally alone to be mother. Motherhood is fine. However, I'm more than a mother.

I'm a friend, yet I don't have any friends around me. I'm a lover, yet I don't have a lover. I'm just...I'm just Sonja, yet I don't really get to enjoy me. Maybe I'm being a little too pessimistic. My optimism sees that I'm able to feed and clothe my child. My optimism sees that he is a good kid - smart and healthy. My optimism sees that I'm blessed with a great work environment, one of the best I've ever had. My optimism sees that I could still be living with someone else instead of on my own. I'm blessed - blessed beyond measure. I'm not asking for a million bucks. I'm just asking for....what am I really seeking? Ok, that's it, I'm seeking to return to those used to things.

My lesson today is to take a stand and try my best to return to those used to things. Break my back, do what I need to do because my life so very much depends on it...

I'm going to stop and get to saying - I used to say...

I used to workout at least 4 times a week
I used to not eat fast food
I used to only eat sweets on the weekend
I used to go to the dermatologist
I used to meditate
I used to read
I used to write
I used to go to poetry readings
I used to have friend get-togethers
I used to hang out with my girls
I used to say I used to do a lot of things, but now I don't.

Today I stop saying I used to and start saying I do!

Questions

Mommy what are they doing?
Fixing the road, sweetie.
Why are they fixing the road?
To make it better...
Oh to make it smooth, that's what they are doing?
Why are they doing that?
Mommy when you were a little girl, did you play Mario?
Yes.
Did you get to Luigi?
No.
Mommy when you were a little girl, did you watch Spongebob?
No, that show wasn't around when I was a little girl.
Why, Mommy?
Ok, Mommy, we are going to get one thing out of the store.
Ok? One thing.
Mommy, I'm going to hold your hand...

Oh the questions he has. I know it's only the beginning. His questions are simple. Short and sweet. It doesn't require much for me to answer them. Oh, but I wonder when the questions get much more complex, what will I say? Will I still be able to answer the question. What happens when I don't have the answer? What will he say? Will he ask me why? Will he formulate his own answer? Will he ask someone else the answer? What will happen?

When will it stop?
It won't?
Why?

While in the car with my son, I learn a lot. He has questions for everything. I try my best to always have an answer. So, on our all too often trip to Wally World, he had many questions for me. It was on that trip to the store when I thought...How simple his questions for that day appeared to be. They were simple to me, but not so simple to him. They never stopped. It was always a follow up question. It also came to me that even as adult, my questions too never stop. Constantly asking myself...What if I do this? What if I say that? When will it change? When will he change? Where will I be in 10 years? Why can't it be like this? Why did I do this? Why did I do that? Who is going to come into my life? Where should I live? What shall I do? The questions are endless. They never stop - I think they often get more complex.

So, it starts at toddler stage, asking the daily questions of life and it only ends with the closing of ones eyes - Or will it? I'm sure even then when all of our eyes shut for the very last time, we will still have a question...Where do I go from here and will you hold my hand?

Greatness

Greatness

Those who have a chance to get to know me
Friends, Family, Colleagues
See my greatness
It's a little inspiring.
Law School?
Writing?
All they see is greatness.
Even this little fellow sees my greatness...
Says "you are going to be great when you get where you want to be; you got it going on."
Nothing but greatness...
Or is that he wants greatness so tugging on my coat tails is going to make him great
I don't think so...
I have too much greatness coming my way

Greatness...
I have nothing but questions for this one. Why do we so often see greatness in others, but don't always see such greatness in ourselves? I see more for others I encounter and vice versa. Is it that we need others to help produce all the greatness that's in us? Should we just be full of greatness alone? Well, I'd like to think that it's just that we really do need one another. It takes two to make a thing go right...as said in a popular song...it takes two to do many things - including help achieve nothing but greatness!