NOVEMBER FIFTH

Where do you write your blog posts?

I write them in my head. No, seriously I do. I can write really well in my thoughts. My writing space is the space that I'm in. It is often times at night, but can enter into my thoughts any place. I don't have one spot in which my muse hits me - when life happens, my muse happens. These days I input my thoughts - my meanderings onto this blog mostly while visiting a local public library. At one time, it was the comfort of my home when all was still and quiet in the late night hours. This new experience - the library has presented some fanciful characters so I must admit it isn't the worst place to be typing in my information. I love people. They make me smile and piss me off at the same darn time. The library is the perfect place to people watch - make characters. Try it. 

NOVEMBER FOURTH

Oops, of course I neglected to check in on a Monday...So, Monday's prompt -

Who is your favorite character? 

I am character enough for myself, any book or movie. I am my favorite character. I do suppose that I should elaborate a little on that one. I am my favorite character because I've experienced some hilarious, sorrowful, fun, dangerous, and blessed experiences. I don't think that you could write this story any better. I'm not at a place yet that I'm willing to share all my experiences  because oh my - Good Girls Never Tell. While many times I wallow in some of my most sorrowful moments, I embrace the character that I am. I embrace all emotions that come along with life. There is rarely a time that I am only engulfed in one emotion or episode in life - that alone makes me some kind of character. Again, one of the best ones out there.

Celebrate

Real quick - Celebrate for just no reason!

This weekend my son and I were talking about how he wants to celebrate his upcoming birthday. We came up with ideas and a guest list. Soon after we finished, he says "we need to celebrate us." My response was why do we need a celebration because we spend everyday together - more than the average family. He didn't care about any of that. He just said that we just need to celebrate us - just because.

So why not just celebrate us? Let's have a party just to celebrate - no birthday, no anniversary - no achievement - just celebrate. Do we really need a reason to celebrate? Do you celebrate your spouse or child just because? I think we should. That's a great idea. Celebrate life itself. His idea made me think that we should go all out not just for the special moments but regularly. It is fun to have a party so imagine having a party on a regular basis.

This is just a quick Sunday reminder to remember celebrate! Go treat yourself to whatever it is that makes you happy!

NOVEMBER FIRST

THIS MONTH, IT IS MY GOAL TO BLOG EVERY WEEKDAY. I have used one of the writer's projects going on to motivate me and keep me writing. This project gives prompts to write from. I've never used prompts, but hey it's worth a try. Something new. (Forgive this for being some days after the first, but I encountered computer problems)

If you found one million dolalrs in the morning and had to spend it by nightfall, what would you do
with the money?

Now upon first thought of this topic, my list started out a little selfish. I challenge you to consider this topic just for the heck of it. It's sort of a self check if you need one.

My list went something to the tune of purchasing a fully furnished home for myself. Renovation of my mother's childhood home. A wardrobe of clothing for my son and myself.  A seven-day vacation to Disney World. Purchases for a family in need. Wow, this would be one busy day, but I know it could be done. Flash money in front of people and they move quickly. Ha. While I do consider others in this fantasy thought. These are selfish thoughts. Don't get me wrong, the items I've listed here are great needs for my family that aren't presently feasible.  Things that most people who are able to have or do take for granted.

I sat with this topic for the day and by the end of the day,  my ideas changed a little. While I would still do those purchases, I would like to purchase or put up some money for the start of a girl's help program. One might think since I'm the mother of a son that I would be reaching out to that population. However I'm a woman and I know the plight and celebration of being a young girl. With such funds, I would love to develop a program that teaches young girls the basics that in turn develop outstanding young women. Having worked with girls in some form for many years, I know first hand that some of the most basic situations need to be addressed with young girls. Many are missing some key components. So hey if myself and a team could work together on this, we could change a generation - male and female. I do believe if you change one, it effects the other. If young girls learn more of key essentials, boys would follow suite in some form.

So what would you do? Please share via here or any other social media. I challenge you to first think right off the top of your head in the morning and then think about it until the evening. See how it changes. I'm sure it will.

Faith

Faith is defined as a STRONG belief in something or someone - in GOD.

A friend of mine recently asked me if I regret making a recent transition in my life. My response to her was of course I regret sometimes however my faith in God tells me that He makes no mistakes. There is no regret in what God gives. Without moving forward in faith, I would not have grown.  I would not have some of the knowledge that I have. Without change there is no growth. With my faith in God, I grow. With my faith, I know the trials and triumphs given to me by God are what make me who I am. It is what makes all of us who we are.

Have you prayed about it? If yes, why worry about it? Those are not words spoken to me by an adult. Those were words of my son. In our conversations, he is the one who reminds me that faith is greater than anything. If faith is present - there is no purpose for worry. It's as if it is a math problem where one word negates the other.

While my messages lately have been non-existent and this one brief - know that God is with me presently as I go through another growth transition. I have faith that soon this thing I'm going through will have me back on this blog regularly. It is certain that there are lessons I will have learned. Stories I will have to tell.

As a curriculum in schools change - now is time for you all to change your curriculum in life. The new math equation is Faith + Trials = No Worry. There is no other way to calculate it. Faith must always be first in the equation. Following that it can be anything - a divorce, a lay off, a death, a sickness, a financial setback - what it equals to is no worries or regret!

LEGACY

Legacy. 

Heritage. 

Inheritance. 

Something handed down from an ancestor.

What is your legacy? What legacy will you leave?

Recently I read an article that will soon be published about my paternal Grandmother. She was a piece of history in the mid 1930's. An African-American woman born to a native West African man and native Maine woman, my Grandmother was the first African-American graduate of a Massachusetts High School. She went on to study at a prestigious African-American School, Fisk University and graduated in 1942. My legacy. She would go on to marry a college educated man - an Alabama Pharmacist. Simply amazing in the 1940's for African-Americans to achieve such goals. They weren't alone. My maternal Grandparents as well, both completed college and graduate degrees. My maternal Grandfather had to drive from Louisiana to California to achieve such. 

My legacy.

When I speak of my life as a failure, I don't measure it up against my peers, I measure it up against my ancestors. These four individuals received college degrees, obtained professional careers, helped others (including children and disadvantaged groups)and raised children. Those accomplishments came when they were up against a world of people just because of the color of their skin. Based on history, I can only imagine the people and obstacles they met in order to achieve the things that they achieved. Did they complain? I will never know. Did they make it above all obstacles - yes, because I am their descendant. Did they leave a legacy for their children and grandchildren to follow - yes.

Have I lived up to their legacy. No.

I've obtained my degree plus a few more years of higher education. I've published news articles in three different states' newspapers. I've helped children and the disadvantaged. Yet, I sit behind a desk most of my day twiddling my thumbs. Spending my days thinking about the obstacles I have before me. Single parent. Low cash flow. Undesirable location. Female. African-American. No connections to powerful people. No chances. Searching and not finding the right position in life. How dare I sit there and ponder the thoughts. I'm up against myself, yet my Grandparents were up against wars and physical roadblocks. Their lives were likely on the line many of times as they traveled to get to their goal of simply attending a college course. 

My legacy. 

Amazing. 

Powerful. 

Motivating. 

Captivating. 

Newsworthy. 

History.

What is your legacy? 

As I always say, I'm no psychologist or expert on life - I'm just an ordinary person. While I'm no expert, I do believe whatever your legacy is - it is worthy of reflecting on. It is worthy of building on. It is worthy. If your legacy looks like mine - don't waste it. If your legacy is the opposite - create a greater legacy for your children and grandchildren to inherit. As for me, I'm speaking my greatness into existence. 

I'm alive. 

I have life left and I'm going to leave a continued legacy for my descendants.  My name may not be on a building or a street sign, but I will leave a legacy. 

Go do the same. 

No complaints. 

No worries. 

Just build.

Worthy Note: My parents were pretty amazing people too. Civil Rights era history makers themselves.

Mother and Father

     Have you ever celebrated anyone else’s birthday like it was your own?  How did that go?  When you showed the waitress your ID for the free dessert, did they give it to you even though your ID showed April is your birthday and it is June? The likely answer is no. 

     Why is it that those who don’t parent children feel the need to celebrate a Mother’s or Father’s Day? For the woman who gave birth to a child, but left the child on a door step for someone else to raise – there is no celebration for you. Nope, you don’t get a Mother’s Day celebration. You don’t get even get a hand clap.  For the man who provided his sperm to conceive a child, but left it for someone else to raise – there is no celebration for you.  Nope, you don’t get a Father’s Day celebration.  You don’t even get a hand clap.

     On this year’s Father’s Day, I have noticed men standing up and speaking out as to why women choose to bash men who are not caring for their children.  While I am sure there are some women out there saying some less than favorable things about the men they chose to sleep with – there are men and women who have a different understanding aside from bashing a person.  Here is my understanding.  I can speak from my experience – I have professionally worked in a field where I would see daily men and women who drop off some cash and believe that is their only duty.  Then on a weekend like this weekend, they are out there cooking and celebrating because they are such good fathers or mothers – they paid their dues. Meanwhile their child is somewhere wondering where they are. 

      If you can remove the relationship of the two people who conceived the child and focus just on the    child(ren) in these situations – weekends like Father’s Day and Mother’s Day can be sad occasions.  Regardless of which adult should have known better before sleeping with someone or not – an adult is an adult and should take on the responsibility they were blessed with.  Only when you have successfully completed a task should you be celebrating.  I truly do hope that my ex-husband, my son’s father, is not some place celebrating. Maybe he is because he chose to father his daughter over my son. Meanwhile my son is over here crying because he won’t return phone calls. My son is learning a lesson early on that he must be a better man than his father – the sperm donor.  As I’ve read some place recently that some women have guilt or take the responsibility for choosing the father.  At my graceful age of 35, I am very much beyond that stage in my life. I know that going into my relationship with this man, things were a little bit different in the beginning than what they turned out to be. No accident here – there was a plan. I don’t spend a second degrading this man for his no-show attitude – no need to.  I spend every second trying to mend and nurture my son.  That is what all parents of a motherless or fatherless child should be doing. No apologies needed – just an explanation of life and responsibilities. No degradation – only uplifting.  However I will not build this man up in any fashion as he is busy tearing down a child with his absence.

     On this day, I will shout to the mountain tops – HAPPY FATHER’S DAY only to those men who are actively involved in the lives of children.  I am not bashing or demeaning.  If one thinks that someone like me is, then you clearly have not been raised in or involved in a fatherless or motherless environment. On Mother’s Day, I only feel women who are actually nurturing and actively involved in their child’s life should be celebrating.  It is a two edged sword.  Why would you celebrate a day if it doesn’t pertain to you?  I will start celebrating all my friends and family’s birthdays as they were my own – telling the world it is my birthday when in actuality it isn’t.  Let’s see how that works for me.

     As this is a controversial topic - I don't care how anyone feels about my thoughts. It is one subject that not one human being can change my outlook on.  What I would like to do is encourage others to involve themselves in the lives of children who are without a parent or parents.  If you are one who doesn't have a relationship with your child - reinvent one! There is no day like the present and no better present than presence. 

     Days like Mother's and Father's Day are like living a bad dream all day.  It is a day filled with commercials, movies, shows, and praises of someone that child is missing. I would never have realized a day like this to be one of such bitter sweetness until now.  Life is so full of lessons. We must all be open to lessons found in every second of our lives.

Flaws

"I am just sitting here listening - waiting to see what is going to happen next. I mean every time we have someone over, you end up sleeping with them."


Those were the words from a wife to a husband. As I sat there, hands wet from barbecue, and these are the words shared with me. Wow! I was speechless. As it was an old friend, I did interject with disappointment. Followed by that was an assurance that this visitor was not going to be caught in this love triangle.

Caught in the middle of a domestic dispute was not how I planned my Saturday night. All is well, the three of us had some great conversation. After all, we all have something - alcoholism, incarceration, anxiety, depression, shopping. We all have some issue about ourselves that makes us flawed.

The issue isn't the flaw. The issue is - Are you willing to work on correcting that flaw? Followed by correcting one flaw, it is possible that another flaw will show up and show out. Even considering that, we should work on flaws and not work on adding more flaws.

In its rocky state, this couple's marriage seems to have some flaws. Working on it they have, but each time there is some flaw that still appears. My prayers are with them. At the end of the night, it was a pleasure talking with them. Glad to make it clear that while we all have flaws to work on, I will not be one of those flaws in their marriage that they need to work on. 

What are your flaws, imperfections? Work on them, don't add to them!

Responsibility. Accountability.

Responsibility, the quality of being or state of being responsible. Moral Accountability.

Accountability, the willingness to accept responsibility.

My son sometimes requests for his daddy. "I wish my daddy was here," he says. Little does he know, just a couple of months ago his daddy felt it was his responsibility to call and tell me that I didn't have to worry about hearing from him again.

My story is not unique. I am not alone. I know that. I am a product of  fallen and unbalanced society. A society that values little of family and more of foolishness.  A society that lacks the understanding of accountability and responsibility. A society that is unnatural. One where parents are raising children alone - mothers and fathers. As I live it daily, I know that it is not natural.  I am forever responsible and accountable for my son, my love.

I play so many roles in one day - in one hour sometimes. It's growing me tired - weary. Each day I don't know how I make it, but I make it.  

Again, not unique.

Not different. 

I am just one - one single mother with one child. 

My plight may be little to some.

I weep for my son as due to one person's lack of responsibility and accountability, he will never know what it is like to have a man's foot steps to follow. I don't speak pessimistic thoughts, but I speak truth. I speak what has been presented to me. I am now responsible and accountable for making sure that my son understands the importance of being responsible and accountable for every action that is placed before him.

What is your moral responsibility? 

Is it to your parents? 

Is it to your child?

 Is it your community?

We are all accountable for something. 

Whatever it is, make it your responsibility to nurture it.

Complaining

Have you ever felt like you wanted to hurt your child or spouse? I mean seriously. Sometimes they push buttons. Recently a minister of a church asked a similar question. As many parents, I am able to admit that yes, sometimes my son drives me nuts! I am certain a spouse can do the same thing.

Well, even as the children and spouses upset us, we still carry on living life and doing what we should in a family. As a parent and spouse, clothes are washed, clothes are ironed, and money is sometimes exchanged. All these luxuries of having someone to help.  Then one day the one thing you asked that child or spouse to do, they don't. You asked that child to clean up their room, but it's a mess. You asked the spouse to stop and get milk. Then he or she comes home empty-handed. One thing. You only asked for one thing. Well...

I'm going to get real spiritual right this moment...

You only asked for one thing.

So does God. 

He has asked for one thing! Can you imagine how He feels when you complain? All that He has done. As a Christian, it is only required of you to be a good person, honor God, follow some rules. Are you aware that you WOKE up this morning? You have likely been blessed with material items like clothes, food, a car, and a home. If you are reading this, you were certainly blessed with LIFE itself. Yet you find time to COMPLAIN. What is there to complain about? Imagine how you felt when your child or spouse made you feel - unappreciated. Often times you - I know I do feel like I'm not appreciated for all that I do. All that I help with. All the self-less acts.  Then it is that one time I ask for something - I feel like all that I did was in vein. All that I said, all that I helped with went unnoticed. 

Yes, life is about doing things that should go unnoticed, but why should what God has done for us go unnoticed?  Why are we trivializing life? Why are we complaining about the not-so-cool job? Why are we complaining about not having those new shoes? Why are we complaining about anything?!

Someone asked me what I gave up for lent - my response was excuses.  Excuses to not do anything I need to do. Well, after looking at life in the manner the minister explained, I have to add complaining. I am not only going to give up complaining for lent - I am giving it up period! I'm living life with no excuses and no complaining. What about you?

It works. Try it.

Recently my son and I took a trip out of town for a few days. I left my car in the airport garage and we flew out. We returned a few days later to find that the car didn't start. I am guessing that I left on an inside light or something. Anyway, I proceeded to make phone calls. Of course no know who I knew was able to help. I called the roadside assistance. From that phone call, I was told it would be at least an hour before someone could come help. There were no help phones around and I didn't see any security patrolling or watching by camera. My son in the meantime begins to panic. He got out the car and said "what are we going to do?" I told him that I had made some phone calls and someone was coming to help. It was going to take them a while, but they were coming. What does he do? The newly turned 8-year-old walks back and forth with his hands folded in prayer position. He has his hands up and his eyes closed praying out loud - "God please help us; please." He repeats this prayer as he walks back and forth. I didn't tell him to pray. I wasn't praying aloud - inside I'm asking please Lord let this car start. Well, just as my son begins to pray, a security personnel pulls up.  She proceeds to ask me to try to start the car - no luck. However she did have a way to "jump" off the battery.  Meanwhile, my son is still praying. Just as she hooks up the cables to the battery, the car starts.

The lesson learned in this story is that prayer really does work. Seems like my son had the better idea of praying aloud. Prayers can come from all ages. Prayers don't need to be fancy. Prayers don't need to planned. Just pray and things will change. It may not seem as simple to some, but if you were there the moment he begin to pray with all his heart and belief, you would understand how mighty that prayer was. We were sort of stranded during an early morning hour while most people were celebrating with family or shopping for the holidays. It was a moment when it was little help around - all my son knew to do was pray. Tears and Prayers - my son saved the day.  It works. Try it.

Simple

I am going to cut my hair very short and color it. Simple as that. No question. No deep thought. 

Simple can be defined as anything without complications. It brought to mind how I simply decided to change my hair. Why is it that I can make that type of decision without complication? Why is it that I complicate other decisons by putting too much thought into them? I do believe if we all would not try to complicate life's decisons, some things will result in less stress. I am happy about my hair decision, no regrets. 

I am not saying that I never dislike my hairstyle choices, but I do know that even in those times, I do not sweat it. The style will grow out eventually and then on to the next one. Simple. Simple as that, no worries.

This year I have promised myself to approach decisions simply. I am a well known worry wart and over thinker. From this point on, when decisions are to be made, I will think hairstyle. If I make the right decision, lovely. I come out looking HOT! If the decision exposes some not so cute features and I am not so hot...oh well. My conclusion must be that life goes on, the style will grow out, and then I can decide on a new one. 

KEEP IT SIMPLE!