"I don't think I'm going to come down there. I think I will leave things alone."
- a disgrace to the human race
These are the words of the best sperm donor a woman could wish for. I'm sarcastically speaking, of course. I received a random text this afternoon. The number wasn't familiar, but based on the area code and type of message, I figured it out. I know it's from the person who helped me create my son, his "daddy."
In his own words, he is telling me that he is going to "leave things alone...." What things, I wonder is he talking about. However one could only figure that he is speaking of his son, his own flesh and blood. Why of course he is... In the beginning, from the way it is phrased, one would think there were some things to resolve, but no there aren't! By things, this disgrace is really referring to my child.
While I know not many in my immediate circle ever approved of him, I truly don't believe anyone would believe that it would go this far. I know I didn't for sure. I knew that he wasn't perfect and maybe not even the perfect person for me, however I knew in my heart and mind that he would not turn his back on his child. Why? When we dated, I was introduced to his daughter. He held on to this girl like an animal holds on to its prey. When we got married, I was introduced to some other flock, but never did he let go of any. His daughter moved away and he made sure to travel a distance to make sure he maintained a relationship with her. He didn't leave that thing or those things alone. Never once was I bitter and still not until this day that he assured his relationship with his children. It just proves a point that this disgrace has it in him to show care for his children.
This is the same person who begged me not to kill his baby. So, with all my uncertainties during my pregnancy, he made sure to lay them to rest. He made sure to assure me of his presence in his son's life. I wasn't of major concern about our relationship because I'm well aware of how things can change with adults. I just never expected for my son to be referred to as "things." So, here we stand six years after the birth of his son, my son and he is no place to be found.
I have no problem "leaving things alone," if by that it means leaving his disgraceful flesh alone. I'm no longer going to be that advocate to restore a relationship between father and son. My efforts have proved fruitless and I shall not continue to fight. I will allow my son to speak for himself when the time comes. Until then, in his own words - "I don't have a daddy," my son occasionally mentions, I will continue to go with that. He is only going by what he experiences.
Lesson here is that as adults we don't really need to teach some things to our children. Some of their best lessons certainly come from life's experiences. They shape and teach our children better than we could imagine. So let's just leave some things alone and let it be.