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Thursday, January 27, 2011


Me: Do you want to go to the store to get your Valentine's Day treats?
We are going to go right here to this store.
Do you want to go?

My Son: I don't know. Why do you keep asking me that? I don't know.

It's funny, when people ask me that about my life, I just need to anwer it like that. I just don't know sometimes... We all make plans for our life. As high school graduates, we made the decision about college or not. For me, it was college. Once in college, I had to decide what my major study was going to be. I chose, Political Science. I wasn't quite sure about that then. I really should have just answered, I don't know. However, I made the choice. I made the choice primarily because that was my favorite subject in school. It and English were my favs...still are. I made the choice way back then. While in college, I maintained my love for my writing, so I focused on that more than I did my politics. That was fine too. I made that choice. I was on a role making good choices back then. I had two outstanding internships. I made some great connections. One would have thought that I was on my way to a promising career. After graduation, I might have been. My first job fell in my lap because of the connections I made while working those internships. However, I made the choice to end that career rather quickly. I made that decision rather quickly...

Oh the choices we make...I just wish I could really say I just don't know what to choose.

Life went on after that abrupt end to that writing career...

We make choices about what careers we want and how we see our future lives. All too often, I think I've made the wrong choices. I'm thankful I guess that I haven't chosen drugs or a criminal lifestyle. I just wish sometimes I could turn around and make better choices.

I've reached the middle of road, I guess. I'm just living. I'm just surviving, day by day. I no longer have a serious vision for my life. Maybe I've made the choice to give up. Is that really my choice? Like my son, I really don't why are you asking me?

Life is funny to me sometimes. I'm not supremely upset about my life...just a little accepting of choices I've made that have placed me where I am in life. Many of us have made choices in life that have landed us in a place in life that we hadn't intended on. How are we supposed to feel about that? I don't have a lesson learned about my choices in life. I only know that I made the best choice at the time when it was made. I just truly wish that I had made better choices in my life. While I don't know what lesson to learn from this just yet, I live my life trying to help young girls make better choices than I have. I'm laughing as I write this because I sound like my life is seriously in the dumps. It's just that this isn't the life I intended on living. This isn't the life I made choices to end up living. Thefore as young girls tell me the life they intend on living, I help them make the choices to get them to that place. If I can't help myself, maybe I can help someone else along the way.

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