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Sunday, March 20, 2011


There are times in life that many of us want or need a how-to guide on life. We seek holy books, magazines, and elders. When you are a new mother, there are several books that help you know what to expect while pregnant or what to expect when the baby gets here. For the first year, those books and websites are pretty much a great guide. A general guide that details what babies go through. I found them helpful. When my son got a rash, the book told me what it was and what was going to happen next. Many times, it helped me know in advance, when he would be getting new teeth or if he was "on time" with crawling or walking. There are so many helpful guides out there to assist you.

Lately, I've been thinking what if there was a book like that for life? Why isn't there one? Holy books guide us on how to live to expect a certain outcome in life. However they certainly don't tell me details. No person or book has been able to tell anyone I know positively what to expect when certain phases happen in life. So, today I've sort of developed my own What to expect when Life happens.

Faith Phase - What happens when I can't decide on what faith I should follow? In my experience and having read about different faiths, many of them primarily focus on being a good person and being good to others. So, in this phase my response is study on your own. Consult with someone in that faith. Please be aware that this phase will certainly resurface itself in life more than once. Be aware that you must be strong in your faith. Stand firm and follow its teachings to the best of your possibility. Always be aware that there is no perfect faith, it's not supposed to be. There is nothing in life that is totally perfect and good.

Friend Phase - I do what I do because it is acceptable in the eyes of those who consider themselves my friend. This phase may be juvenile in wording, however it has deep as the love one has for a child. In my experiences and from those whom I've conversed with about the topic. This phase must be revisited throughout life. It's a phase that is difficult because it is certainly a matter of the heart...emotions. Sometimes we develop into a person only because it is acceptable in our friend's eyes. In this phase we must stop and think seriously who we are as an individual. Accept that you are who you are with or without your friends. Also in the friend topic...There are times when you expect a friend to be there for you physically and mentally. When often they may fall short. In return they truly don't lean toward you for such purposes either. Therefore in this phase you struggle with the question of..who really is my friend? Why do I consider this person my friend? What type of friend is this? In my experiences, I've found that friends land in different categories. There aren't many who have a friend or friends who can truly say they are 100% with one another. In this phase there must be just plain acceptance that nothing in life will truly go your way. While you want or expect a friend to be or act a certain way, they won't. There is no reason to complain. There is no reason to have ill feelings. Just continue with the Faith Phase - know that as long as you are a good person and do good things, friends will be a part of your life. Sidebar to this friend phase...friends may not be the food and water that keep you alive, but they certainly do break the falls of life which can make things a little sweeter.

Lust Phase - I'm crazy about that woman/man. All I want to do is jump their bones. Ok, brace yourself...I'm sort of referencing to Lil' Wayne...In one of his songs, he says "I wish I could F every girl in the world." Now as trivial as that sounds, if you just think...he would really like to sleep with every girl in the world. There are so many different types, he just can't get enough. Sometimes we as humans certainly can lust for one another just like that. It can be such a blissful feeling. In this phase, I say take it easy. Take it easy because this phase would take you through some medical phases that certainly aren't pleasant. However like the Friend Phase, know that the Faith Phase certainly will get you through this one in life as well.

Ok, now I've just highlighted a few phases because I know that I can go through so many. Presently, I'm going through a few phases myself. One is my Single Mother Phase. It's a hard phase. I do believe out of all the phases in my life, I've encountered one of the hardest phases. It's a phase where you can lose faith, friends, and lust all in one. It's a phase that I have no choice but to go through. I made a few decisions and I've landed in a life altering phase. It's ok because I've come into serious acceptance as to what my life holds. As the cliche goes, having a child changes everything. This is a phase that I'm slowly working through and still wouldn't be able to tell anyone how to get through. What I'm doing is making it work. Accepting a lot of things...Acceptance, that's it! Accept it and just keep rolling with the punches. Know that just like every phase in life, it will pass. Acceptance is such a freeing thing! It certainly has helped break my fall many times. Maybe many of us need to stop looking for an answer to our life issues and questions because there will never be a book. We need to come to that acceptance, free ourselves and just be!

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