Prospects

Do all prospects count?  

This is a rather funny topic that I conversed with friends about this week.  Often times, I have men who approach me whom I feel are less than adequate.  Some women think it is flattering. Some men think it's a opportunity to get to know me.  Some women say that these less than adequate men don't count as a prospect.

Where do you fall?

I personally believe that a man without the potential that I can recognize immediately, don't count as a prospect.  These people are merely entertainment for me.  Call me evil for being so judgmental, I don't care.  A guy friend told me that the pure fact that I listen to the men, they believe that they have "scored" and that they are in there to get to know me.  I disagree.

Let me first begin with the following phrases:
 "Say red, what's up?" 
 "Say what's up?" 
"Say you married?" 

These three, I get a lot.  Primarily because I work in an environment where I come in contact with a diverse group of people.  In addition, I live in a more rural area.  So with those things into consideration, these are somewhat normal phrases.  Now having said that, I wish someone would take my side and say that the men who approach me with those phrases do not count as prospects.

Men who approach me with less than desired phrases don't get the opportunity to let me find out if they are business men, family men or something combined.  These men do not count for me. I do not find it flattering that these men even recognize my presence in the room.  I appreciate the fact that they feel like I must be some type of quality woman just by my pure presence, however I find no attraction into their approach.  I have to question my appreciation as well because many men aren't seeking quality, some are seeking a quick night in the bed. 

Well, whatever the reason is that these men find the courage to approach me, I do not find it flattering.  Some arrogant man may say that I am a female dog and that I should be lucky that someone would approach me.  However, I would hope that most would view me as knowing how I as a woman of quality should be approached.  I do believe that most chivalry is dead.

I've debated the issue with men and women from different walks in life - why is that some men don't know when to stay in their "lane" or "league"? Just because I am a woman doesn't make me for you and the same in reverse.  I am not going to go up to Common (the musical artist) and ask for a date.  Why?  We are in different lanes in life.  He is a famous performer and I am an everyday working woman.  While it is possible for our intellects to combine, I do believe the two of us are in different leagues purely based on our everyday lifestyles. So why is it that I often hear myself and other women discuss the same issue about the types of men who approach them?

I carry myself in a particular manner and I hope only to be reciprocated with the same. Again back to the issue, I do not believe that those who approach me who are less than desirable count as a true prospect.  It isn't flattering and doesn't make me feel any more excited about the dating pool of men. 

Prospects only count if they are on my level in some way of life - career, education, family, lifestyles, beliefs, or spirituality.  If none of those or most of those have no form of connection between me and a man who presents himself to me, then he is not a prospect.

So, who has been checking you out lately?  Are all of them prospects? Does it matter? Why don't some men get the picture?

REJECTION

We regret to inform you...

Those five words have been repeated to me almost daily for a while now. Rejection. Rejection from opportunities, jobs, schools, organizations, people and any other entity that fits in between that I didn't list.

What did I do wrong?

Why did I do it?

How can I change it?

Can I change it?

Is it my fault?

Is it any one's fault?

Why me?

Embarrassment.

Guilt.

Sadness.

Anger.

Belittlement.

Depression.

Where do I go from here?

Regardless of where rejection comes from, I'm certain at some point in life we all experience it. While I often feel like I'm the poster child for it, I know that I am not alone. As with all things in life, the question is how to deal with it. 

Those closest to me have given me all the advice and comfort that they have been able to muster. To them, I must say, I appreciate it. However at the end of the day, I must figure out how to handle it. Through my dealings, I am certain there is someone out there that may find comfort in my words.

My spiritual guide leads to this: Romans 8:28 - And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose.

My practical advice through quotes and conversation is that without rejection, there is no depth into a person. Without something that comes along to make you question, then there is no growth. Without being knocked down a bit, then there is no way to know how to pick yourself up. Without rejection, without some form of sadness, then there is no appreciation for the acceptance and happiness.

With all that, I still get pissed - angry. I still want a break - some good news. I still haven't reached the understanding about why I have been receiving so much rejection. I tell myself that I don't know how much more rejection I can take - yet I wake up every morning.

With that in mind, as I've read quotes and readings from philosophers, counselors, authors, and common people there has been one overall tune. One will never truly understand the rejection or strife encountered until the good thing comes through. It will not be until then that a person will understand the why in life.

Lesson to be learned that if you have been rejected from school, job, date, organization, loan, there is without a doubt a reason why. I believe that to be true in all aspects of life - many have been rejected from being a parent or a spouse. That too I'm certain brings about great emotions as well. Rest assure, the clarification is coming and will likely come in a format not expected. Whenever and however, know that all the good in the world to come will come.

Reject rejection! 

Refuse to accept that rejection will determine who and what you are to be.

Uniquely Yours...Life

The single woman is envious of the married woman.
She wants to be married and have companionship.
The married woman is envious of the single woman.
She wants to be single and free.
Thick women want to be thin with slim legs.
Thin women want to be thick with a round bootie.
Wealthy women want a simple life with a little less responsibility.
Poor women want to be rich just to be a little less stressed about livelihood.
Women who don't have children, want them.
They want to to love and nurture a young child.
Women with children, don't feel like children are a necessity. Joy yes, but not necessary.
They want to be a little free and less stressed.
Women with a house, want something more cozy like an apartment.
Not to mention, someone fixes everything at the drop of a dime.
Women with an apartment, want a nice house with a yard.
It would be nice to have some privacy and maybe a dog to run around in the yard.

All too often, we live our lives looking into the lives of others. We want what they have. We want their job. We want their house. We want their car. We want their man. We want their life. It is nice to strive for something and have goals in life. Goals to reach and achieve or get certain things in life, however we all must keep in mind that in time all that is supposed to be part of our lives will be. Not to mention, often times we as humans think we want something that someone else has when we don't truly know what it takes to have those things. We don't know that in that marriage, there can be abuse. In that house, the home could be close to foreclosure. In that life, it could be full of turmoil followed with a smile.  It could also be full of peaches and cream. One will never know.

What we as humans, woman or man, must take into account is that there is a reason why you are where you are. There is no reason to look at people and want what they have.  Be thankful for who you are and where you are in life. You are there for a reason. 

Personally, I feel like I am not where I want or need to be in life in both my professional and personal life. However when I scan back through my life, I've encountered and recovered from quite a bit. Each day, I share with others, I learn that all that I have encountered in life has made me an outstanding person. A person who can be outstanding in whatever comes in my path - professionally and personally. I know that what I have dealt with in my past and what I am dealing with presently, is preparing me for something. I am equipped with some knowledge that I've gained mostly through life experience and I can finally say that I am thankful for such experiences.  Therefore if I never get to some things in life that I want to do, it is okay because I've still been given some serious greatness. 

In life it is cliche to say never judge yourself against others, but the message can never be said enough. Live your life. It is uniquely yours. Embrace your life because one day your life experiences may be able to help someone else along the way.

Words to live by

I haven't had many words lately. 

I just couldn't leave anyone reading my blog hanging for another week.  

Here is a quick message.

You only live once.  

If you want to cut your hair, cut it. It will grow back.  

If you want to eat a piece of cake, or the whole cake, eat it.  

The weight gained can be lost.  

If your kid wants you to watch a corny movie, watch it.  

One day that kid won't want to sit with you at all. 

If your spouse wants to go camping and you hate the woods, go camping. 

You could wake up and that person is gone without notice. 

Enjoy every moment. 

Your friend calls you up to just sit in the house, go and sit. 

One day you won't be able to see them when you want.  

It's the little things in life that matter.

Often times we forget to just enjoy the simple things in life. 

There is too much time wasted on planning and preparing. 

Too much time wasted on the what if in life. 

Just live. 

It doesn't have to be a big event or production.  

Sometimes it is just as simple as doing something a little different. 

Live life. 

Make memories.

Eye Candy

Eye Candy
Tall Glass of Water
Hello!
Caramel skin. 
Long, neatly braided locks.
Shirt fitting just right. Not too tight, but close enough to accent the right places.
Clean cut.
Nice smile. Straight teeth.
Glasses fitting the face just right.
Swaying across the room.
A wave from across the room. Hello!
Oh lawd, that man looks some good.
Uhm, that's some eye candy.
Amen! Hallelujah!
Uhm, Uhm, Uhm
Look at him. Just look at him.
Now why didn't I stick with that in high school?
Oh lawd, help me he is just so darn cute.
Wait, let me stop. 
It is Sunday and I am in a church.

I've been looking for "how-to" books and articles about how to relieve stress.  Well people, I think I found something. I love to walk and take a little jog, that makes a sista feel good.  However, I found a piece of eye candy, a tall glass of water, that sure trumps exercise and certainly makes me forget about stress. I don't care where I saw it, even if it was a church where I'm supposed to be focused on God.  I think it's a blessing to have seen such beautiful God creation.  If you have not found anything so good looking that it feels like a breath of fresh air, I challenge you to go out and find it.  I know I did and I wasn't even expecting to find it.  Uhm, a fine brother, a nice specimen of a person, I haven't seen in a while and I hope it won't be too much longer before I see it again.  Amen! 

I have had my ah ha moment - a man.  A piece of eye candy, a tall glass of water! Stress no more, I'll just think about him.

Death

When someone dies close to you, your thoughts most often are of that person and the memories you have of that person.  Well, of course, right?

This Friday, my cousin died. He was more like a grandfather. He was family.  Death is never expected. You can never truly be ready for death. This weekend, most of my memories have been of him and thinking about the funeral.

As I thought about what I could share with the world on this Sunday, I thought about death. Not how sad I may be or the memories that I have of my cousin.  What struck me is that as I mourn his death, I have totally put the thoughts of my life on hold. Since Friday, I haven't stressed much about the struggles that I face daily in my life.  There has been loss of life and loss of my problems.

How is it that I stress on a regular basis about life struggles, yet in this time, in this time of mourning, I have lost sight.  I have lost sight of those daily things that I find important.  Maybe I should mourn someone everyday so that I forget about my daily struggles.  Do you think that would work?

I doubt it.

What I have realized is that if I can mourn and forget about my life's issues, then I can stress less and think about life's issues less. I can do it. I have the capability to know that all the issues of life are very small.  They can certainly be forgotten about quickly.

I always tell one of my girlfriends to get a hobby in order to stop stressing. So, what is that I should tell myself?  What is it that you use? Tell me about it. I can't possibly think about mourning in order to stop stressing. 

I'll just go take a walk and stress about stress later. I'll enjoy my mourning memories and enjoy the moments of a stress free life.

The Game

My son started playing football this year.  I'm not quite sure how this is going to go, but we are trying it out.  On days he has practice, we have a routine.  I get home, he plays sick.  He goes through the motions of moaning and groaning about hating football.  I respond with a parental message of good health, exercise, and perseverance.  In response, he begins to dress for practice.  He gears up in the under armor,  football socks and football cleats.   Once at practice, he gears up with shoulder pads, goggles (he wears prescription glasses), and helmet.  He is READY.  Ready for what the game has in store.

He is now on the field, in his first game, running and tackling.  During the game he starts to have fun.  Goggles fog up, he can't see - the coach ask if he wants to stop playing and he responds, "no".  He can't see, but he wants to stay in the game.

After the game, I ask him if he hates it, he smiles.

I can relate.  I've held positions throughout the years where I would hate to get up.  I get to the building and then I'm all in the game.  Can't see for hating the place, so much, but I'm all in.  

More prevalent, is being a single parent.  There are many days that I wake up in pure disgust - I hate it.  How did I get here?  I hate it.  Each day, I wake up, get dressed in my single parent gear.  It's filled with perseverance, positivity, patience, drive, love and prayer.

Once I'm all geared up, I get into the game and go for the gusto.  I'm a parent.  Just like my son is a ball player.  I have to get in the game and play regardless of sight or insight.  I am the sole player in this game - I do everything.  I discipline. I laugh. I cry. I cook. I clean. I love.

My son and I - we've been together for the long haul.  I was married only for a moment, but while married my husband worked so much, it was still just the two of us.

We've been in this game for almost eight years now.  All he knows is me and all I know his him.  We are teammates, in this game together.  He throws the balls and I catch them. The tricky part is that I have to run the ball and tackle in every play.  I'm the offense and the defense.

I hate it sometimes, but just like my son, once I'm in the game there is some thrill to the action.  Pushing through the game win or lose.  Ask me if I hate the game in the morning, I would tell you yes.  Ask me after I've made it through a day, when the game is over and he is sound asleep - I will just smile.

In life we all have a position to play if we like it or not.  The thrill of the game is not how easy or hard it is to play, but the simple fact of being able to keep up in the game.  Parent. Wife. Sister. Mother. Brother. Father. Employee. Employer. Get READY, get in the game, play your part and keep on smiling.